Friday, 30 May 2008

Government ad reaches new levels of absurdity

The latest government ad persuading us to drink for eleven years (I think - but why only eleven? I don't understand) recites a litany of eleven-year thingys - headed 'In eleven years you will ...'
- shave 1.72 metres of facial hair
- eat 8,034 bananas
- lose £64 in loose change
- spill 54 litres of assorted liquids
- sleep for 22,621 hours
- wear out 26 pairs of shoes
- listen to 19,501 songs
- put on 8,032 socks
- enjoy 7 months, 2 weeks and 3 days of holiday
- eat 130,198 baked beans
- say hello 55,450 times
- say goodbye 67,320 times
- accidentally squash 5,562 insects
- spend 67 hours waiting for your toaster to pop
- go to the loo 12,798 times
- grow 1.72 metres of facial hair
- take enough footsteps to reach China
- see 937 cats out of the corner of your eye
- queue for 1,006 hours
- change channels on your television 120,223 times.
- Your heart will beat 400,000,000 times
- You'll breathe enough air to fill 20 hot air balloons
- You'll eat enough potatoes to fill 6 phone boxes
- You'll drink 36 bathtubs full of water
- You'll climb enough stairs to ascend Mt Everest twice
- You'll sweat enough to fill 1,612 fish tanks.
Since hardly any of this applies to me, I can only assume they've quizzed their Ministers over their personal habits as a basis for it; Hazel, Harriet, Jacqui, Ruth and Caroline might well shave twice daily, drink their bathwater after bubbling the products of 130,000 baked beans through it, spill their Chardonnay everywhere whilst diving for lost change, watch their toasters from the lavatory and bloat like barrage balloons on a diet of bananas and chips, but just how is this supposed to encourage me to drink more?

2 comments:

Nick Drew said...

OT, but have been sniffing around on the power cuts - first findings here

Your instincts were spot-on

nomad said...

I have a vague memory from somewhere that the calender comes round or repeats every eleven years, so this year's version will again be identical in 2019. They missed that one!