Thursday, 2 October 2008

Herr Blair, the Fuhrer declines your sofa

Cherie says Tony's as great as Churchill

"Now, Adolf, I'm a pretty straight sort of guy. I have to tell you, and I really believe this, that invading Czechoslovakia is a bit OTT, you know what I mean?"

"Herr Blair, the Fuhrer requests you address him as Herr Hitler. And he has this dossier for you that describes how the Czechs have developed WMDs and can launch a rocket that could reach Berlin in forty-five minutes"

"Oh really? Wow. Yah. That's a bit different, Yah? I have to say, and I really believe this, that you have definite proof that Edvard BeneŇ° poses a threat to world peace. Wow. No wonder you want to invade, Ado... Herr Hitler"

"The Fuhrer requests your help in a joint invasion with the British Expeditionary Force attacking from the south"

"Yeah, sure we'll help. After all, the King's German, isn't he? I was saying to him just the other day ..."

"There will be some personal rewards. The Reichsbank extends you unconditional mortgage credit to buy more houses. And the Reich Writers' Guild donates five million Reichsmarks to the Labour Party. And Fraulein Braun's hairdresser can do something for Cherie. Possibly."

"Oh wow, that's really generous; I really mean that. Look, how would Herr Hitler like to be a Lord?"

"The Fuhrer wants nothing in return except your unconditional loyalty, Herr Blair."

"Yah, yah, sure; we believe in the same things, don't we? I mean, I hate smoking, too and Cherie's been trying to get us to go vegetarian and I'm doing pretty well except for chicken and white meat and Quorn can taste quite good sometimes, can't it? Look, I may have a bit of trouble with the country and the Commons over invading Czechoslovakia with you. What would help would be you leaking some intelligence, yah?"

"The Fuhrer says just let the Abwehr know what you want and it will be leaked"

"Yeah, OK that's fine - I mean the Abwehr wouldn't make stuff up, would they?"

"The Fuhrer hands you this swastika lapel badge as a personal gift"

"Oh wow the kids will love this! Thanks. Look, I've brought some poems I've written; would Herr Hitler like to join me on the sofa?"

"Herr Blair, the Fuhrer declines your sofa."

3 comments:

crackers said...

Spot on although, in my view, the order of inducements may be in incorrect order.

Bush knew he had to soften up Blair to get him onside for 'Daddy's war Part 2'. Blair's errogenous zone is his ego/vanity. Bush invites him to address Joint Houses of Congress, standing ovation(for Blair equal to 70,000 rockers cheering his lead act at Wembley)and award of CMO.

Then down to Camp David where in the afterglow of the rock concert Blair was putty and the deal was done.

Mrs Blair believes that Blair ranks alongside Churchill.

Newmania said...

Look mate no really, guys , we have before us an sticky patch of the most grievous kind as I told the Mrs . We have before us , to be honest with you , y`know ‘ suffering’. OK so you ask, what is our policy? I can say ( and I like this bit ) It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us ( serious look Peoples Princess furrowed brow); to wage war against a monstrous tyranny that.... we will easily win , delivering me a personable triumph easily tradable for earnings on the Yank circuit .( That is right isn’t it .... ?)That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: It is fame ,fame at all costs, fame in spite of all terror, fame , however long and hard the road may be; for without fame , there is no book no lecture and no hols with Cliff.

Bill Quango MP said...

Cherie Blair.. Tony is like Churchill..
"Why he even says to me that line about .."

"Mr Blair you are drunk!
On power!"
"Mrs Booth,you are ugly. But in the morning after the failure of the war in Iraq, I will be sobered"