"I'm really sorry Gordon. Really sorry. I tried to read your article. Believe me, I tried. Oh, I tried so hard. It's monkey-typing-at-the-keyboard-gibberish though. I suspect you know this.
Honestly, if I were to blindly assess the intelligence (right and left brain) of the writer of this article, I'd have them marked down as deeply average. Not imbecilic, mind you. But not particularly clever either. Your writing is incredibly robotic. Sorry, I'm being polite - actually, your writing is magnificently dull.
Your prose is exciting and inspirational in the same way that the prose of a washing machine instruction manuel is exciting and inspirational. You have the charisma of roof shingle. I cannot believe that you are the Prime Minister of the UK. Compared to you, John Major was the life and soul of the party. Oh yes.
It wouldn't matter if, behind your dullness, you were actually capable.
But you're not.