The fridge is getting empty so I'll have to make a trip to Tesco later, as the smoke from the day's dying Hindu funeral pyres flutters over the recreation ground. I'll keep a sharp look-out for Jihadist terrorists as I browse the fruit and veg aisles, in line with government guidance, and try to ignore the 10% - 25% increase in imported foodstuffs as a result of Chairman Brown's world-saving fiscal management. I also need to remember to offer both a full-face and profile shot to the CCTV cameras above the Sherry shelf. After I've apologised to the Nigerian checkout girl for not bringing old plastic carriers with me, and therefore being personally responsible for killing a whale somewhere in the world's oceans, I'll have to remember not to leave the bags unattended outside the store; Balkan asylum seekers have been quietly lifting these recently. I'll have to trust my Sri-Lankan minicab driver to take a route avoiding both the police checkpoint and any likely locations for Jihadist roadside bombs, and hope he doesn't examine the cash too closely, as forged notes and coins are increasingly present in our pocket change.
Ah, to be in England now that Spring is here!