Thursday, 10 September 2009

Blair to re-write gospels

Tony Blair yesterday announced the publication date for a re-written gospel that he's penned himself. "I didn't see the point in having four" Blair said yesterday "when they all tell the same story. Also the language is still out of touch with peoples of all faiths; we mustn't let the gospels create a sectarian view that there is only one true religion."

Blair is reported to have written the New Gospel during his many hours in the air, flying between the US and his Mediterranean holiday home. The Vatican reserved its comments yesterday, saying "If Mr Blair is a Catholic, he will submit the manuscript through his bishop before publication."

At his press conference yesterday, Blair said "The originals were written a long time ago, and things have changed a lot since then. Nowadays, for example, we know there's no problem with being rich as long as you express concern about social justice - that's why I've scrapped the bit about the rich man and the camel and the eye of a needle. No-one understands that these days."

The Blair Gospel will be available from Amazon.com and all good booksellers from 1st October at £14.99

11 comments:

Weekend Yachtsman said...

This IS a send-up, isn't it?

Please?

Henry Crun said...

Exactly what I was thinking WY, but given Blair's penchant for arrogance which knows no bounds, I can well believe it.

As for the eye of the needle analogy, even a heathen such as myself knows that the eye was a small entry gate to the city of Jerusalem.

Savonarola said...

Come, come Raedwald not even the Vicar of Albion would write the fifth Gospel.

But then again this may simply be one of the stepping stones to Our Tony, replacing Jesus Christ as our Saviour. And perhaps Cherie will morph into the new Mother Mary. "Hail Cherie, full of grace...." does have a modern ring to it.

I am not amused.

sean lynch said...

It will be used as toilet paper in my house as a statement to the Lord about the validity of the thoughts of Chairman Bliar.

Young Mr. Brown said...

"even a heathen such as myself knows that the eye was a small entry gate to the city of Jerusalem."

Myth. Taught to kids in Sunday Schools for generations, but there is no evidence at all for it, and it has long since been discounted by New Testament scholars.

Mrs R said...

"I've scrapped the bit about the rich man and the camel and the eye of a needle" - that'd be because he's rich!

Hopefully this is a joke, please let it be a joke.

Bill Quango MP said...

Cannot be true.

But if it was..
"It is easier for a rich man to get a second, third or even fourth home than it is for a poor man to get a bank loan."

hatfield girl said...

Course it's true. It's why Brown declared that he was Saviour of the World in the House. He'd heard about this Project and wanted to get his superior claim in first.

lilith said...

Sounds entirely credible to me.

Kinderling said...

One face for the rich, one face for the poor. Works for the Vatican.
I guess four fantacist writers will not mind a fifth.

Henry Crun said...

Makes you wonder why Blair didn't become a Scientologist...