Fairness, like courage, is a concept with which you are wholly unfamiliar. Yet it won't stop you making the word the centrepiece of your speech today.
Fairness is not a political value - it is a British virtue. Fairness means taking your turn in the queue, it means (to borrow the Australian phrase) a 'fair go' for everyone, with no barriers to any citizen. Fairness is based on common-sense morality; it means not taking advantage by foul means. Fairness means winners get prizes, and losers are encouraged to do better. Fairness in WWII gave every person in Britain, including the King, the same ration card. When there's hard work to do, it's fair that everyone lays their hand to the capstan. Fairness means the same reward for the same risk for everyone. We know what fairness is.
So how fair is it that an increasingly corrupt political class can steal, cheat, dodge, obfuscate and fill their fists with public cash with no sanction whatsoever? Like a protected criminal species, immune from prosecution, their avarice a stench in the public's nostrils and a gag in our throats. And not only do you not dismiss and disown them, you protect and encourage their foul corruption. What lesson is this to our young people? How fair is this to parents struggling to impart the notions of virtue and Right to their children?
And how fair is it that you are using the whole panoply of State propaganda to hide your regime's culpability for Britain's Bust? You, who told the FSA to apply a 'light touch' and not to ask awkward questions; you, who encouraged the nation to live beyond its means, you who engineered an unsustainable bubble boom for your narrow political ends. Wouldn't it be fair for you to hang your head in shame, even at this stage?
And how fair is it that you use the power of the State to protect and shield the 2003 War Criminals whilst mouthing trite platitudes about upholding the virtues of right and justice? If you had a microgram of right or justice flowing in your frozen veins you would have sanctioned a full and comprehensive independent investigation with the power to recommend criminal charges - but no, you wanted a secret inquiry with 'no blame', a neat lengthy whitewash to hide the lies and crimes. It was only the nausea of the Chairman at the stench of your cover-up that changed the terms. How fair were you to the families of our war dead? To those in Iraq who grieve for their dead?
How fair is it that whilst you piss billions away in lunatic social engineering experiments while our fighting forces are dying for want of adequate vehicles and equipment, men and women whose courage is a quality with which you are wholly unacquainted?
And how fair is it that you continue to deny the country the referendum on Europe that you promised, a referendum that an overwhelming majority of us are hungry to have? How fair is your mendacity, your corruption, your spin and your denial of the will of the British people?
Is it fair that even at this stage you're pouring further billions into an ID card scheme that we don't want, won't co-operate with and which will be abolished just as soon as you and your criminal cabal are dispatched in tumbrels? Or an NHS records scheme that's on its knees? Or further lunatic proposals for yet more Leviathan State IT projects?
How fair to the striving, careful, responsible core of this nation, seeking the best for their families, wanting little from your State, is your profligate, asinine and politically corrupt waste of their carefully earned taxes? People who turn over each penny twice before spending it, people whose supermarket trollies have grown more expensive each week, people who eat beefburgers so that your corrupt placemen, prodnoses and jobsworths can eat steak at their expense?
Vomit will stick in my craw at every mention of the word 'fairness' you will make today, Gordon. As mendacious and insincere as everything you say, you simply don't know the meaning of the word.