Monday, 7 December 2009

Those latest Quango jobs in full

In the spirit of open government, all new appointments to Quangos are now advertised by the Cabinet Office on the Publicappointments website. We bring you the latest vacancies in full, and encourage suitably qualified and experienced readers to apply:

Commissioners for the Infrastructure Planning Commission - £450 per day
Commissioners are required to act as decision–makers, either singly or sitting on panels to consider approve applications for development consent of nationally significant infrastructure projects e.g. nuclear waste dumps, runways and similar. Experience of toeing the government line whilst giving the impression of independence useful.

NEW Non-executive Director (private property development) Covent Garden Market Authority - £9,831 pa for 15 days, plus claret and limo allowances
We now need another vote on the board in favour of selling-off the successful Nine Elms horticultural wholesale market site for private development. An understanding of claret and the ability to undertake complex lunching would be an advantage. People not called 'Sir' are unlikely to be successful.

Up to 15 Board Members of The Young People's Learning Agency - £4,000 per annum, maybe meet twice a year if we can be arsed.
Do you want to make a real difference in the delivery of education and training provision for the nation’s young people and help to secure the country's economic future? Need something impressive on your CV? Losing your seat in Parliament and still want to feel important? Applications are welcomed from suitable skilled and experienced members of the Labour Party who, from April 2010, will work with the Government and local authorities to help develop and deliver our exciting vision for young people’s learning - which is basically that it would be a good idea. Falafel and beansprouts provided.

Directors - Sustainable Development Commission - £230 per diem plus business-class airfares or private-hire car expenses and free lunches
To be frank, we haven't a clue what this Quango actually does, except genetically-modified non-farting cows were mentioned. To be on the safe side, Directors should have the ability to undertake long lunches overlaid with social concern, the ability to feign a belief in MMGW, and an appreciation of decent 'second' clarets such as Pichon Lalande. Candidates lacking the required extent of broken nose-veins are unlikely to be invited to interview.

2 comments:

Gareth said...

Wasn't this a Conservative idea - advertising Government jobs on the internet? It's a start I guess.

I hope they won't be replicating any of these adverts in The Guardian.

Budgie said...

This is appalling - not the 'transparency', the old boy troughing.

Why do we put up with it?