Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Sorry, Cadbury, but plastic cheese is a good wedding

There is much gnashing of teeth sucking of cavities today at the takeover of Cadbury by Kraft, makers of artificial plastic cheese. Quaker tradition yadda yadda. Heritage product yadda yadda.

Let's be truthful. Cadbury chocolate products are pretty awful. Pure Cocoa retails at about £18/kg - it's expensive. Which is why British chocolate contains as little of it as possible; it's a nasty profit maximising product that melts on your fingers at room temperature, whilst real chocolate does not. It's mixed with a host of cheaper fillers, chiefly sucrose, to bulk it up and it tastes like sewage sludge.

If you like chocolate, try Charbonnel et Walker. This is chocolate that will fire off taste receptors you didn't realise you had. Cadbury's Dairy Milk shouldn't even have the right to use the same name. When I unpacked 500g of cocoa the other day, the entire kitchen was filled with a rich, sensual, vanilla-packed saliva-inducing scent of cocoa powder ground so fine as to be explosive; whisked with scalded Jersey milk and Demerara sugar as a bedtime drink as you snuggle under the goose-down quilt, it beats (most) sex.

No, Cadbury and Kraft are a good match; makers of plastic artificial cheese, and makers of cocoa-flavoured artificial chocolate. Sorry.

6 comments:

Blue Eyes said...

R, I agree that there is much better chocolate around. A real bitter dark chocolate does funny things to my brain that Cadbury's doesn't come close to. BUT Cadbury's fills a gap, and the prospect of its chocolate falling further still, to American standards, is quite horrifying. That said, if Kraft do start further watering the stuff down there are plenty of alternatives.

Weekend Yachtsman said...

"Cadbury's Dairy Milk shouldn't even have the right to use the same name."

In Europe, I believe it doesn't.

Or perhaps that was something that nearly happened, but didn't.

otoh you have to admit, American "chocolate" is even worse.

Don't get me started on Hershey bars.

Elby The Beserk said...

Quite so. Vile "chocolate" - though I do recommend a trip to Oz where you will see many many different Cadbury's bars, some of which disappeared here 40 years or more ago, and some of which I think never appeared here.

More worrying is that will happen to Green & Blacks...

Calfy said...

I have heard that on the continent Cadbury's Dairy Milk is called "chocolate flavoured confectionery", although I have never borne witness to this. However, since I heard the term, Cadbury's has ceased to be chocolate for me. I don't like the idea of Kraft owning Green & Blacks though.

thefatlady said...

Well, I like Cadbury's chocolate. It tastes good to me, far better than the European muck. At least they failed to get it called cocoa flavoured fatty solids, or something. Nestle managed to spoil Aero by trying to foist upon us their notion of chocolate.

Whether it is worth "saving" is another matter. I believe that a substantial chunk of its shareholding was American anyway. In the grand scheme of things, it's far less important than selling off to Johnny Foreigner our electricity, steel, cars, aircraft wings, glass, helicopters, chemicals, gases, cement ..........

Peter Ward said...

Charbonnel et Walker? Better to try Green and Black's. That's real chocolate, especially the 85% cocoa dark version. And I love the Maya Gold too.

The irony is that it's owned by Cadbury. I just hope that Kraft can keep it going because if G&B's goes under I don't know what I'll do!