Archaeologists were trying to find the reasons behind the discovery of 51 headless skeletons in a pit in Westminster this week, many still clutching what are being interpreted as expenses forms, part of the accoutrements of a late 20th / early 21st century Status Ritual.
Dr Hedda Bumstorf said "It's possible this was a ritual beheading, with the victims believing they were being sent to a land of everlasting unquestioned expenses". However, evidence on the bones suggests that most were beheaded unwillingly. "They were running around like chickens, being chased by blokes with axes. It's amazing that even when their heads were hacked off they maintained their grip on the expenses forms."
An expert from the Museum of London added "Bone callouses on the pelvic bones suggests they spent much of their lives in an occupation that involved sitting; many were morbidly obese, and so less able to escape the axemen". Writing experts were still trying to decipher characters on the expenses forms. "We're really not sure about our translation" one said "We've translated one as 'duck island' which doesn't make sense, and another says 'bathplug' we think."