Thursday, 27 May 2010

Hitler would have been a Guardian reader

I've found confirmation this morning of what I've long suspected - that Hitler, were he alive today, would be a Guardian reader. Not only the vegetarianism and the fervent anti-smoking fetish, but the full kagoule and sandals;
"having to change into long trousers was always a misery to me. Even with a temperature of 10 below zero, I used to go about in lederhosen. The feeling of freedom they give you is wonderful. Abandoning my shorts was one of the biggest sacrifices I had to make… Anything up to five degrees below zero I don't even notice. Quite a number of young people of today already wear shorts all the year round; it is just a question of habit. In the future, I shall have an SS Highland Brigade in lederhosen."
And forget scientific meteorology;
"Weather prediction is not a science that can be learnt mechanically. What we need are men gifted with a sixth sense, who live in nature and with nature – whether or not they know anything about isotherms and isobars. As a rule, obviously, these men are not particularly suited to the wearing of uniforms. One of them will have a humped back, another will be bandy-legged, a third paralytic. Similarly, one doesn't expect them to live like bureaucrats. These human barometers would be people who understand the flights of midges and swallows, who can read the signs, who feel the wind, to whom the movements of the sky are familiar. Elements are involved in that kind of thing that are beyond mathematics. They would have telephones installed in their homes free of charge and would predict the weather for the Reich and be flattered to have people relying on their knowledge"
A colour supplement short of a Saturday edition, methinks.


Griblett said...

'...a third paralytic.'

I wouldn't mind that. Being pissed all the time and rambling on about looking in the chicken guts and the Ides of March an' all. Especially if I was paid to do it.

Get me a cave with central heating, a huge fuck-off plasma and the Bat phone and I'll be the crazy oracle, no problemo. (You could be the crazy coracle. See what I did there).

I ain't wearing no fucking lederhosen though.

The Guardianistas are great at 'playing' the game. When the real thing comes a knocking they'll fold like a house of cards.

Anonymous said...

How come ,all the Guardian readers I know are ugly bastards and smell of cheap coffee and soiled panties.

Zit Spotter