"I heard Sarah told him to tweet it, but Mandelson said this lacked gravitas"
"Over the past four days we have been working flat out to deliver an agreement that can provide stable government that can last"
"Over the past four days we have been working flat out to get ourselves a five-year deal, including replacement cars every two years"
"The talks with the Conservatives have been very constructive and I am grateful to David Cameron and his team for the effort they have put in. But so far we have been unable to agree a comprehensive partnership agreement for a full Parliament."
"The bastards won't give way. Vince MUST have his own jag and driver. And we need eight ministers - four of them in the cabinet. With armoured jags. All they'll offer is three ministers for two years and some Mondeos."
"We need a government that lasts, which is why we believe, in the light of the state of talks with the Conservative Party, the only responsible thing to do is to open discussions with the Labour Party to secure a stable partnership agreement."
"Look, we need pics of all our guys climbing in and out of armoured jags for five years. We know it's wholly irresponsible, but we think Labour will give us more cars for longer."
We will of course continue our discussions with the Conservative Party to see if we can find a way to a full agreement. Gordon Brown has taken a difficult personal decision in the national interest.
"But otherwise we'll go with Cameron's offer of six Mondeos, so long as they have back-seat DVD and leather seats. Gordon had to go, in his own interest."
"And I think without prejudice to the talks that will now happen between Labour and the Liberal Democrats, Gordon Brown's decision is an important element which could help ensure a smooth transition to the stable government that everyone deserves."
"Look, it was chemistry, OK? The old bastard just kept saying 'My father didn't have a car at all until he was 62, relied on his bike..'. At least Harman and Johnson appreciate the necessity of quad speakers, surround sound and a seat material that doesn't bunch up in the arse-crack in your strides."