Friday, 3 September 2010

'Brown will help poor nations for free'

"Hullo? Hullo? Is that the President"

"Yes Mr Brown; I'm sorry I missed all your previous calls. It's the Yam harvest haha and the people expect one, you know .."

"Look, I'm ready to fly out and fix your economy. First we need to increase taxes for everyone who owns more than three goats, and send the army in to dig up those silver Maria Theresas they've got buried under their hearths for retirement, then we can sell your mineral reserves off to the Chinese, introduce a new market stallholders tax, charge 30% duty on home-brewed Millet beer and seize all cars under three years old in private ownership and sell them to Yemen ..."

"But why? What will we do with all the extra money? Presuming the people don't storm the palace and saw my head off first .."

"Then we can make the people healthier. It's the right thing to do. Look, your life expectancy is just 38 years and half the people have limiting long term sicknesses. We can employ healthy lifestyle co-ordinators to get them walking more, for instance .."

"But our people are starving; 20% already have to walk six miles a day to get clean water"

"Salad. Salad's the answer. We'll give a free salad to every child and mother. Lettuce. Cucumber. Tomato. We'll fly the salad in from Holland. We'll employ Salad Officers with powers to force-feed Celery to delinquent children"

"Mr Brown, you must excuse me ... pressures of State, you understand .."

"No! No! Don't hang up please, listen, we can install CCTV cameras in every Kraal .. Damn! Operator? This is Gordon Brown. Get me the President of, let me see, Mali please ..."

8 comments:

Robert said...

As long as Brown is an MP we will be paying for his 'aid' to poor countries.

He should resign his seat if he is not prepared to represent his constituents fully.

Anonymous said...

He should be fucking de-selected now.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I'm Gordon Brown and I'm here to help!

CityUnslicker said...

They are poor enough as it is and now we inflict this on them. Talk about rubbing it in.

What is his play:

"I took a decent country and broke its economy, imagine what I can do with your already broken economy..."

Anonymous said...

Did. I. read. somewhere. that. he. was. going. to. be. on. the. Board. of. the. world. wide. web. or. something? Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

talwin said...

Christ on a bike. He really is set to save the world. Delusion follows delusion.

Anonymous said...

Ever decreasing circles, until finally and thankfully he will disappear up his own dark place.

JuliaM said...

He'll have to remove a good few BBC reporters from it first...