Friday, 21 January 2011

Brownite Weirdos

With the departure of Alan Johnson, the sole authentic personality remaining in Labour's upper echelons, the shadow cabinet has become a caricature of a Students' Union exec, filled with weirdos and sociopaths none of whom has ever held a proper job for a single day in their lives. There's Ed, in his dad's old tweed coat with a 'Red Fist' tee beneath, who takes his laundry back to mum at the end of term; Ballsy, with the odd eyes, in  French worker's ripped leather jacket with a copy of 'Socialist Worker' stuck in his back pocket; Yvette in dungarees and purple woollen tights who believes against all the evidence that using only rainwater to wash her hair makes it shiny, and Hattie, banned from the Union bar since she let off her rape alarm and sprayed the bar manager with Mace for allegedly short-changing her.


We should therefore expect a manifesto based on Troops Out Of Ireland Afghanistan Malvinas, Women-only train carriages, the Abolition of Capitalism, and all bars forced to give a free packet of crisps with every three pints. 

8 comments:

Robert said...

Do you honestly think that the current Libcon front bench is much better?

Curmudgeon said...

Three pints? That's a binge! And crisps are full of saturated fat! That will never do in the People's Republic of Milibandia.

Free stick of celery with every three half-litres of carrot juice, maybe ;-)

Weekend Yachtsman said...

"a free packet of crisps with every three pints"

You must be joking.

If Labour get back you won't be allowed to drink three pints at one sitting, or even in one day.

Even if you could afford it.

Span Ows said...

Robert said...

Do you honestly think that the current Libcon front bench is much better?


The question should be does anyone, anywhere, seriously think they current front bench isn't much better? I imagine only hardcore Labour would think so.

Blue Eyes said...

My faith in the coalition was given a good boost last night when Simon Hughes (!) tore strips off Balls and Brown for their economic legacy.

I am looking forward to the second longest suicide note in history to come out.

What the political commentariat don't seem to realise is how much people outside politics HATE Ed Balls.

Bessie said...

Blue Eyes: "What the political commentariat don't seem to realise is how much people outside politics HATE Ed Balls."

I certainly loathe him. But my mum thinks he's OK, because he has "a twinkle in his eyes."

Woodsy42 said...

I assume these would have to be salt and fat free crisps, cooked with renewable electricity and packed in biodegradable bags?

John said...

It's a sad reflection on the state of the Labour Party that when thier shadow chancellor - a bit of a frade A fuckwit who can't add up and doesn't know the current rate of National Insurance - is forced to quit, that the best, perhaps only replacement option is Ed Balls.

Is there anyone in the PLP with any talent at all? Surely things haven't descended so far that Balls is the answer?