Not only have we to endure paying 15% more for an increasingly overcrowded rail service, we face the risk that a cabal of exploding Jihadists awaits us at London's mainline stations. And now there's a variation on the risk from fat Pakistanis and Somalis (a fat upper body indicating a suicide vest) - that of lumpy Pakistanis and Somalis.
You see, trying to carry an AK47 on a crowded commuter train will earn the Jihadist the same crushing refusal as shown to the nerk who tries to board such a train with a folding bike. So the Mumbai Method must be modified for National Rail, and will no doubt include pistols and fragmentation grenades, making the Jihadists lumpy rather than fat.
These grenades from the Pakistan Ordnance Factories each has about 3oz of PETN wrapped by around 5,000 ball bearings, enough to truly bugger the iPad. Oh well, such is the lot of the British commuter.