On the day that the cross-party People's Pledge is launched, the corrupt tax-avoiding GMT rag the 'Guardian' has chosen to launch a rolling feature entitled "The new Europe - getting to know our neighbours better"
I wouldn't bother with the Guardian's take if I were you. Here's Raedwald's alternative take on our Euro neighbours
Part 1 - The Hun
Since the wall came down, the Hun has been divided into Wessi Huns and Ossi Huns. Ossi Hun women line the highways to Poland dressed in micro-skirts with ineptly bleached hair seeking trade from TIR truck drivers, whilst Ossi men slump at home in crumbling 'Eric' Soviet Paradise apartments watching Philippine-made LED TVs wearing nylon pullovers patterned by a Chinese sweat-shop boss on acid. In the East, Prussian militarism has been killed for ever, and the population has reverted to the sort of stubborn peasantry it was before Frederick the Great had an effect. Since the Holocaust killed off all Prussia's finest musicians, comics, actors and creatives it's a fairly dull and joyless place.
The Wessi Hun retains the proclivity to remove clothing at the slightest excuse, and large areas of forest are designated for the disport of naked Huns. The mullet remains the favoured hairstyle, and the Mercedes the favoured vehicle. The average mass of a Wessi Hun these days is about 18 stone, and they are often a light orange in colour. The species is known for hoarding, and may often be observed burying caches of pickles, gold etc. The Wessis have grown extremely rich selling machines for making other machines to China, but now that China is making its own machine-making machines this wealth may diminish.
Both Wessis and Ossis delight in a dish of 'bratties' - Bratwurst with Sauerkraut - washed down with a few litres of lager-beer. Since they killed all their Jews, their musical tastes have become primitive and undeveloped, tending towards the boom-booma-boom Eurovision Europop. The Hun has not produced a single rock group of any note since 1945. They have a few buildings of note, constructed since 1945, and these have been designed by British architects for the same reason.
The population is not breeding well, reproducing at under the replacement rate. Around 5m prime breeding males were killed in the last war. They have therefore imported Turks. The toilets are extremely clean, almost fetishistically so, and many have an 'inspection shelf' for the scrupulous Hun to examine his or her stool before flushing. The population as a whole may appear docile, but the Hun harbours quiet ambitions to lead Europe through the EU; paradoxically, it was one of the original intentions of the EU for that institution to keep the Hun down.
Next - The Kermits