Tuesday, 12 April 2011

HMS Cornwall surrenders to Somali pirates

Reuters - British warship HMS Cornwall is in the hands of Somali pirates this morning following the surrender of the ship by its Royal Navy commander. The ship was boarded yesterday by three teenage pirates armed with pangas. In messages to their 'Facebook' pages, the captive crew described how the surrender came after the pirates threatened to take the Captain's iPod. "He was in tears" one rating wrote "He'd got the complete set of showtunes on it and used to take it everywhere". 

A spokesman for the French admiral in charge of the EU operation said yesterday "It's better that we lose a warship or two rather than compromise the human rights of the pirates. There have already been incidents in which naval crews have shouted at them or been rude, and we're very sensitive about this. Once they'd made the Captain cry, he had very little choice. Thank goodness nobody was poked with a finger." Asked what action the EU was taking to reclaim the warship, Admiral Grossecul said "We have offered trained counselling to the pirates, a 'well man' checkup and a body-wax. Buckets of Southern fried halal chicken are being flown in. They have been given full access to the ship's library of Judy Garland movies and the nail salon. There's little more we can do for the present"


Anonymous said...


Coney Island

Barnacle Bill said...

I like it!
Unfortunately it reads too much like the truth!

Weekend Yachtsman said...

Very good.

Wrong date, though.

Scrubber said...

"Admiral Grossecul"

HAHAHAHA! Excellent!

ancient mariner said...

See! "Polishing up the handles so carefully" can get you into all sorts of trouble.