"Good Morning. I'm here today to tell you about the benefits of the Alternative Vote system, but before we come to that I'd like to tell you a little about myself.
You're not allowed to know who I am, of course, because there's a draconian gagging order issued by Mrs Justice Sharp that prevents anyone identifying me. Or discussing anything to do with that strumpet and the gerbil or dressing up in bondage gear and I'd like to say that I'd never even heard of a gimp mask or a strap-on before that day and the Llama was never in the same room at the same time.
My good lady wife and our two wonderful children would be greatly distressed if those photographs were published, and there is a real risk that the children would be teased at school - and at £4,000 a term each we don't pay to have them teased. As far as I'm concerned, that's an end to the matter.
Now as to the AV system. You need to support this to ensure that more people like me can enter Parliament; people you don't actually want as your first choice, who are not known to you, and who are wealthy and powerful enough to ensure that you can't find out anything discreditable about us. In fact, I'm even in favour of our names not appearing on the ballot paper at all. I, for example, will be identified only as 'CBL'. So vote Yes to AV. Ahem."