MPs fond of a spot of nocturnal badger-watching on Hampstead Heath, soccer players who prefer their fowl spatchcocked and soap stars with rotten nasal septa must be heaving a sigh of relief this morning, and at Clarence House there's probably champers for brekkie, but I fear it will all be short lived. The 'Screws' didn't exist in a vacuum; it was popular and successful because it chimed exactly with our nation's sense of prurience. We lapped up every coyly salacious description, revelled in the archaic Screws-speak and owed ourselves a pint every time a reporter 'made his excuses and left'.
"Now I remember! It was your name of course
In the News of the World with the blonde and the horse
All dressed up in gymslips, I say what a lark!"