In a six-hour speech to the XIVth Praesidium of the Labour Party, Comrade Ed Balls announced the adoption by the Party of a new Tractor Plan. Admitting that Labour may have over-produced tractors during the last government, he refused to apologise, saying "We are the party of tractors. I make no apology for using the entire income of the State in tractor production. It was not the Blackburn 'Harvester' or the Sheffield Machine Works 'Strongboy' that caused the collapse of capitalist running dogs Lehman." Under the slogan "Old Labour - New Tractors" Comrade Balls announced that Labour would produce 895,434 tractors in 2015, financed by a new shoe-tax on those kulaks and intellectuals who still owned shoes and a new Progressive Education Tax under which tuition fees would be linked to A level results; each A* result would clock up £2,000 a year in tuition fees, whilst each Grade C would only result in an annual charge of £150. "For once and all, we will ensure the children of the Proletariat have access to the Tractor Academies" Comrade Balls said.
The Praesidium was reduced to tears by a poem of praise to the Leader written and read by a 13 year old pupil at Maidstone Plough Institute Number 315, in which he compared the Leader to a three-point linkage with PTO. "The Party is my Father, my Mother and my Tractor" the boy read. In gratitude, Comrade Balls ordered him to be taken away and shot.