Sunday, 30 October 2011

Mandelson claims victory over Cherie

With his recent purchase of a £12.5m mansion in Chelsea, Peter Mandelson has claimed victory over Cherie Blair in their long-running and frequently bitter house-owning competition. "Cherie owns more" said a source close to Mr Mandelson "but Peter's are bigger. And in better taste. Hers are cramped and a bit suburban". It is understood that Mandelson is also providing a luxurious 'State Bedroom' in his Chelsea home for former Prime Minister Tony Blair that trumps the bedrooms that Cherie has decorated in the couple's own Connaught Square terrace and Palladian country cottage. He has also acquired a new pet; "Peter's got a cat. We think it's to keep Cherie away; she absolutely can't stand them, and had that poor Downing Street moggie killed by the SAS."

Mr Blair himself is abroad this weekend, receiving the Gold Medal for International Humanity from the president of Tashkentistan in a lavish award ceremony that was scheduled to include several condemned criminals being boiled alive in butter, Tashkentistan's traditional method of execution. Mr Blair is said to have asked for the executions to be brought forward ahead of his visit because of a butter allergy.  


Greg Tingey said...


Actually, something nice about Mandelson (!) - he likes cats, good.

Anonymous said...

Wot no Human rights act in Tashkentistan? Tony will have to dress them down and butter them up.
On cats, alley cats don't get on with domestic moggies.

A Betta Bitta Marge said...

This is OUTRAGEOUS!! Have you seen the price of butter lately??

Ed P said...

I thought Peterkins preferred smaller furry animals. But perhaps, now he has a bigger place, a moggie fits in.

Budgie said...

Not that madman Bliar again? And his entourage madman Mandelson with his vicious cat, truly twisted Campbell, and batty Cherie?

When you said 'house', I thought you meant 'horse' and was all ready to vote for it. I am not so sure now that you tell me Peter's is bigger.

If only Heath's promise that the EEC would not put up the price of butter were true, then we could afford a few executions.

Blue Eyes said...

Brilliant :-))

Anonymous said...

Nice piece , what is to be done about these cheats , have lampposts become unfashionable or has the stomach been removed freom us?

PS Have you got your Handelsbanken current account yet?

Weekend Yachtsman said...


It's actually quite difficult to see where this segues from "real life" into satire. What's that? Oh.

Remind me again why we taxpayers are still paying for an "office" for the ghastly Blair; an office which - needless to say - is lavishly equipped and comes with well-equipped and well-remunerated staff.

Anonymous said...

12.5 mill', just where does that all come from? 15 years ago he didn't have two pennies to rub together, amazing what the 'fragrant grease' can bring.
Doesn't it foster a warm glow, thinking Mandy's out there, glad handing and ****ing, mingling and doing good in the world and why am I so convinced none of it is in Britain's interests.

nisakiman said...

"Actually, something nice about Mandelson (!) - he likes cats, good."

He probably hates cats. This is just a ploy to keep the letterbox at bay.