Sunday, 2 October 2011

Worth a try ...

Mr Rick Glankler
Senior Vice President Global Brand Management - Thomas
HiT Entertainment
230 Park Ave South
13th Floor
New York, NY 10003


Dear Mr Glankler


Thomas the Tank Engine - the Fat Controller


Please accept my congratulations on HiT's latest venture in appointing Shane Acker and a talented production team to re-imagine the core characters of 'Thomas the Tank Engine' in a next generation fantasy adventure film franchise, as reported in the trade press. 


I write in particular about changes we recommend you make to the character of the Fat Controller. Obesity, as you will be aware, is the new disease of the Western world, with an increase in type II diabetes alone of over 300% in the continental United States. As the character stands, it communicates the clear and perverse message that the route to executive success is being overweight. Surely a responsible production company like HiT needs to make clear that only Height and Weight Proportionate (HaWP) executives are likely in real life to achieve promotion, enjoy an active life and be happy. I therefore suggest the character is renamed the Fit Controller and is depicted undertaking aerobic exercise, eating salads and greenstuffs perhaps including cabbage and drinking bottled mineral water and yoghurt smoothies. You may even consider an episode in which he out-runs an unfit engine. The Top Hat is also clearly anachronistic in this day and age and I suggest the Fit Controller is in future shown  in a baseball cap; if it's good enough for President Bush, it's good enough for a transport industry executive. 


Again wishing you all the best with the re-imaging of this rather dated product


Raedwald Uffinga
Chairperson
Cabbages for Life

3 comments:

Goodnight Vienna said...

Excellent :-) Will be interested in his response. I think you're in with a chance; they'll probably re-write the whole series in their enthusiasm to bend over backwards.

English Pensioner said...

You've obviously missed this in today's Sunday Mail
"Christmas" has been replaced by "Winter Holiday" and "Christmas Tree" by "Decorated Tree".
I'm sure you will approve!

Anonymous said...

Successful executives - churchull , stalin , chairman mao , roosavelt. All reasonably rotund.
Unsuccesful executives - julius caesar, hitler , pol pot. Lean .