Friday, 15 June 2012

Dave's Country Suppers

"Ah Nigel! Come in Come in .. Sam, pour Nigel a JeeanTee .. we're eating in the kitchen this evening; Aga's on, and 3D specs for the Moldova match - we put a 42" HD 3D screen in last month. Oh how kind! For us? A fish? you caught it yourself, beachcasting? Dungerness beach? Haha good to see you've used the 'Telegraph' to wrap it in; Sam, take Nigel's fish - we can send it to the fishmonger tomorrow to have it prepared. It's a Sea Bass? Yes, they have them in Waitrose too. Oh yours is wild, not farmed? You'll have to explain the difference. Later.

Just Country Terrine from the chap in the village, then Sam's Spag Bol; she puts chilli flakes in, so I hope you don't mind a bit spicy, eh? And a couple of bottles of Burgundy I thought - amazing cellar they've got here at Chequers. Lager? Oh haha hang on I'll find out ...Wilkins, can we find some pints of Lager for Mr Farage? We can? Excellent!

Now I particularly wanted to talk to you about this - do you play Crazy Birds? I can't get past level two haha there's this magpie you see ... a fag? I suppose so, if you must; the drivers all go out by the wheelie bins; ...... Wilkins, can you show Mr Farage to the fag smoking area? 

Sam! Mwaah! You look fab. Look, do I have any trainers? Farage is wearing trainers ... I've no idea, it's probably what they do in Essex, but I don't want to embarrass him ... my boat shoes? Yes, they'll do.

Ah Nigel, come through. You must get your ghillie to tell my ghillie what fly you use for Sea Bass, eh? We're in Scotland in the recess and I'll give it a try. Look, I particularly wanted to have a chat. We're both ordinary blokes ......."

6 comments:

DeeDee99 said...

In a one-one debate I know who my money'd be on - and it isn't the numptie in No.10.

G. Tingey said...

This is oviously and deliberately complete and utter bollocks, and very funny.
But is it actually, you know, aimed at a particular person (Camoron?) or is it just a general swipe?

Raedwald said...

Just making the point that Nigel really is a normal bloke - who given the chance can connect better with the electorate than either the elitist Dave or the elitist Ed ...

right_writes said...

Brilliant...

There's echoes of Peter Simple in there Raedwald…

Were you a fan?

James Higham said...

Think you should offer yourself, Radders.

Woodsy42 said...

Well done, so few words, so many barbs.