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Wednesday, 15 August 2012

A suitable job for a Bercow?

In my construction role of Employer's Agent I've long learned that the key to a successful scheme is getting the right make-up of the client team; lead designer, engineers of various sorts, cost consultant, CDM co-ordinator, all working to the EA's brief but without stifling the ability of each to exercise professional excellence and shine. These days, if ever I find a Bercow on the team I don't hesitate - a call to the consultancy firm's directors to replace him or her within 72 hours. I have learned from bitter experience that giving a Bercow the benefit of the doubt and leaving them on the team is a recipe for disaster. They're incapable of being team players. They needle constantly, create divisions, offend others, sabotage negotiations, obstruct collective solutions and carry an arrogance so maddening that there will not be a single member of the client team that isn't either longing to deck 'em or to see someone else do it. They polarise working relations between the client and contractor sides and critically can increase the cost of a scheme significantly - in some cases into seven figures - solely due to their disruptive effect. 

I've seen an old and experienced site manager, normally so imperturbable that he ran 100 guys on a crowded site with the calm of a Buddha, so provoked by one final, spiteful, cutting remark from a Bercow that for the first time in his career he took a swing, sadly missing the short-arsed miscreant and hitting the structural engineer in error. He had to be dismissed immediately, of course, and as I watched him clear his site office the expression on his face was 'It's not fair'. And indeed it wasn't. 

And so I have great sympathy for MPs enraged at the behaviour of the little sociopath in the Speaker's chair; you'd imagine that a modicum of interpersonal skills would be a pre-requisite for the office, but from a Rotten Parliament mired in its own filth and as a replacement to the deeply stupid and avaricious Gorbals Mick such an oversight is not unexpected.


DeeDee99 said...

I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on the possible correlation between being short-arsed and being a Bercow?

On the basis of my own eyes and experience of office politics, it seems very likely that there is a strong link.

He's an arrogant, repulsive creep - married to a vile tart. What on earth we do to deserve them.

G. Tingey said...

"What is to be done?" ...

V. I. Lenin.

Eric said...

Where I work we call it "small man syndrome" and indeed lots of short arses seem to have a hell of a chip on the shoulder

Edward Spalton said...

Actually, Bercow's appointment as Speaker, - in succession to the differently equally disastrous Michael Martin, says more about the composition of the House of Commons than it does about the holder of the office.

There were some well- qualified people of gravitas and principle,( like,say, Frank Field), but they were out of fashion. From George Thomas, to Bernard Wetherall, to Betty Boothroyd, the House had Speakers who, though not without faults, commanded affection and respect in the House and in the country.

Knowing someone who knew Bercow in his early days, we can use the words of Betsy Trotwood concerning Uriah Heep "He has fulfilled the promise of his early youth in a truly remarkable manner".

Bercow's wife added to the way people see his tenure of the office by going on a "Slutwalk" !

Elby the Beserk said...

I'm 6'6" and possibly as a result of that have a deep love of Randy Newman's "Short People"

My last job (and so it turned out to be) I left as for the first time in over 20 years at the company, we had a manager with whom I could not work. I'd had managers I didn't like - but they were good managers. This shortarse little runt - 5'2" if that - used to pick arguments with me in front of my colleagues. Happily they made me redundant, about a month before I had decided I was going to walk.

Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
`Round here
[ Lyrics from: ]
Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

Anonymous said...

Before the coming of the mobile phone and txting, SMS was code for "short man syndrome" in our family...

They sat along side PCS types (peaked cap syndrome), which later became known as "jobsworths" by one E. Rantzid.

But then my Dad was a rather peculiar 6' 5"...

lilith said...

Gracious is not a word that can ever be associated with the man.

Peter Whale said...

You hit the little nail right on the head with this post.

Nigel Sedgwick said...

Raedwald writes: "[Bercow types] incapable of being team players. They needle constantly, create divisions, offend others, sabotage negotiations, obstruct collective solutions and carry an arrogance ..."

Now, I carry no flame for John Bercow, but the same complaint could well be made against CAGW sceptics: they are not for (let alone of) the consensus.

Is there some chance of further explanation being posted, as to the difference between being 'a pain in the butt though right' and 'being a pain in the butt and wrong'.

Also, is the House of Commons a team? I thought it was more several teams 'warring' over ideas (and somewhat in need of a referee).

Best regards

Anonymous said...

Raedeald, are all your contributors over 5'10"?

ps. 6'1" in my stockined feet.

Elby the Beserk said...

Nigel Sedgwick

Consensus has nothing to do with science.


Nigel Sedgwick said...

@Elby. I am a CAGW sceptic. Accordingly, I am already totally familiar with what you are trying to teach me.

I have tried hard to make sense of that part of my comment, if I were not. Maybe berserk (sic) logic can manage it, but mine fails.

Best regards

Sebastian Weetabix said...

I'm only 5'9", but growing up among Glaswegians that made me above average -so i am gloriously secure and un-prone to short man syndrome. I only once had a boss who was really short, about 5'3". He was Bercow-like. If I saw him in the street I would murder him. Vile little turd.

Sebastian Weetabix said...

Wonderful story about mum-in-law being bossed about by a very short man in a peaked cap. Looking down her nose at him she said "I bet you feel 5'5" now you've got a bit of authority"

meltemian said...

I'm only 5'7"......but then again I'm not a man. Does that make a difference?

English Pensioner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
English Pensioner said...

Unlike the individual that you cite, Bercow was appointed by the workers(?) and technically they can sack him if they wanted to.
Presumably a majority still want him to continue as Speaker

Scrobs... said...

Excellent post Raedwald, and I understand you perfectly!

You're so right about the dsruptive elements, but another problem sometimes creeps in, when a project is at first headed up by a senior manager, and then is passed over to the boy, which in most cases is not what we pay for!

I suppose this scenario really applies to Bercow as well...

JimS said...

Just as well that Bercow, isn't female, black, muslim or homosexual then...

Anonymous said...

When the post of Speaker last came up for re-election,the Tories wanted someone else but the Labour Party and (most of) the Libs voted for Bercow just to p*ss off Cameron and his crowd. I forget who it was who said (though of someone else), "He has little ability and failed miserably in showing it". The fact that he claimed £650 in expenses so he could go on a 'dirty weekend' arranged by his wife so she could have her own way says a lot about both of the Bercows. With the taxpayer basically paying for him to have a sh*g, we have known for a while what he is and we now know exactly what Sally Bercow is!

James Higham said...

Why does the bile rise every time I see, hear or hear of Bercow X 2?

The Rootings of a Nosey Mole said...

In my experience short people are usually fairly well balanced a chip on both shoulders.

Wildgoose said...

I might as well join in. I'm 6'5", my son (nearly 16) is about 6'3" and still growing, my (just turned 14) elder daughter is 6'1" and hopefully stopped growing, and my 10 year old is tall as well. My wife is 6 foot tall.

One of my 14 year old's friends is shorter than my 10 year old girl. We see short person syndrome regularly!