Saturday, 1 September 2012

A lesson in lighting for women

Women - unite to save your looks!

There are two types of light bulb;

1. Energy saving, compact flourescent, fluorescent
These are the official bulbs you are supposed to fit everywhere. They will make you look like a witch; the pronounced green / blue cast turns the skin a deathly sick green decaying colour like a day-old zombie and highlights all those tiny lines and wrinkles. They make you look as though you're in the terminal stages of an unpleasant disease. If you apply make-up under this light and then go outdoors into real light, you will look hideous and tasteless. Never choose clothes under this light - they will be a different colour in real light, too. 

2. Incandescent 
These are the old type bulbs that the EU has made totally illegal from 1st September. They flatter, smooth wrinkles and blemishes and throw a faintly red/amber cast that's warm and sexy; under this light you look fit, healthy, desirable and to the subconscious male psyche faintly flushed as though sexually stimulated. Make up applied under this light will look sophisticated, restrained and expert in real daylight. This is why professional make-up mirrors have a ring of incandescent bulbs not strip lights. 

NB 
Neither the green cast from fluorescent or the pinky cast from incandescent is visible - the brain corrects what the eye sees so that both appear 'white', but the subconscious registers the true colour and conditions our responses accordingly.

Here's a scientific explanation that you won't possibly understand. So please go back to playing with kittens, and remember - DON'T let your tradesmen fit the witch-bulbs or you'll never enjoy male attention again

(pulls tin helmet on ...)
.

25 comments:

Chris Morriss said...

A bit unfair using a 5000 degrees K, rather than a 3500 degree CFL for the comparison!

The colour bias has always been a problem with any form of fluorescent lighting. Just look how the clothes you bought in M&S look a different colour in sunlight.
Phosphors with a broader band emission spectrum are coming available, though the aim is to better mimic sunlight, not the brothel-friendly light you seem to want from incandescent bulbs!

DeeDee99 said...

Just as well I stockpiled incandescent bulbs then, isn't it. I might not understand the science, but I absolutely understand what Raedwald is saying.

Anonymous said...

Incoming Raedwald!

Anonymous said...

I use fork handles
:-)

English Pensioner said...

Don't forget that CFLs cause migraine to a small but significant number of people. My wife is one of those, and I soon had to remove the CFLs I used in our lounge. Similarly she frequently has an attack after visiting Sainsbury's due to the lighting, which for some reason is far brighter than that of other stores and supermarkets.
Our local hardware store is selling lamps which are a replacement for a 60w bulb and comprise a small quartz halogen lamp mounted within a standard incandescent lamp envelope. Apparently these are legal because they use less than 60w for equivalent brightness. At least they are still incandescent.

Cameron's Cat said...

Has the EU made sunlight illegal yet?

Anonymous said...

Incandecent light bulbs @60 pence each banned. Since the announcement of the ban the price has tripled.

Nearest legal replacement, halogen lamps cost more to manufacturer and consequently more in the market @£2.00 each.

Behold! The manifold benefits of the command economy.

English Pensioner: " migraine "

Correct, fluorescent lamps are shite.

Anonymous said...

Not to mention the element with the M word.
Listen to the first line.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWEfmCvu8R8

meltemian said...

Not only do they make me look like sh**te, they can kill you!

http://thepointman.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/theres-a-killer-in-your-house-2/

Just for you I've gone looking for a kitten.......

Ed P said...

There's a good selection of the halogen capsule lamps available from International Lamps (& no, I have no commercial interest in IL, but get my own there).
They also have a three-part type: base (BC, SBC, ES, etc.), G9 halogen capsule & cover (candle, globe shape, etc.). These match the old styles we all like and give good colour rendition too.

Anonymous said...

It's about time, we all made the EU illegal in Britain? Remember, any vote for the 'big three political parties', is a vote for the status quo and thus for Europe.

Kill 'em all [Dave, Miliband, Clegg].
and Hilary Benn.

Elby the Beserk said...

For all your incandescent bulb needs...

http://www.bltdirect.com/search.php?search=incandescent&GO=GO

Anonymous said...

The conclusion of this meeting is that these blasted bulbs make us all incandescent. Meeting closed.

Chris Morriss said...

Oh, and Radweld: Don't patronise those that know far more about this subject than you will ever do by stupid statements such as telling your readers that here is an explanation (sic) that they won't understand.

Raedwald said...

Utterly humourless cove, ain't you Morriss? Charmless as well, it seems. And when we use 'sic' the common practice is to quote exactly what's written, otherwise there's no point, see?

What you should have written is 'Here's a scientific explanation (sic)'

Chris Morriss said...

Scarcely required was it? The 'explanation' was not in any way scientific.

I won't bother coming back here again, so there's one-up for you. Would you be 'Normal for Norfolk' as the GPs put it?

Anonymous said...

Do come back Chris,

Actually, you'll learn stuff that's really worth knowing.

SadButMadLad said...

Though incandescents are banned for domestic use, you should still be able to buy them for "industrial" purposes. Look up industrial or rough service incandescents. Though the authorities are claiming that they will seriously enforce regulations that prevent the sale of them to the general public.

banned said...

@SadButMadLad, quite so; any half decent independent supplier will happily sell you proper light bulbs provided that you use the magic words "industrial" or "rough usage". The EU has not made them totally illegal, just something to do with their distribution.

The big stores (B&Q, Tesco) cravenly stopped selling them well in advance of the regulations but I don't care because I spent twelve months building up a supply that will see me to my grave and I'm taking any leftovers with me, just in case.

Adwelly said...

I've been replacing our compact fluorescent bulbs with LED bulbs. Experimented with a few brands and eventually settled on Phillips warm white.

They cost a fortune, relatively speaking, but supposedly last for 25 years, and have the added advantage of using rather less power than even CFLs. So at least I'm getting the mild revenge of reducing my payment of the ludicrous green and renewable surcharges on our electricity bill.

G. Tingey said...

Several errors & omissions here ...

You CAN still get incandescent bulbs.
You just have to buy the "ruggedised" versions sold for workshop use.
OK - they are more expensive, but you can still get them.
Proper flourescent tubes can be very good ( I use them in my kitchen) but remember, that the flourescing coating on the inside of the tubes can be different, and give quite widely varying colour values - hence the so-called "warm daylight" option.

I noitice Raedwald DOES NOT MENTION the up-&-coming replacement for all of the above: L.E.D's...
Their price is dropping rapidly, they use miniscule amounts of power, and you can tweak the light colour temperature with different coatings & filters.
By far the beast option.
Reliable & long-lasting, too!
[ note also that Adwelly has spotted this one - well done Sir! ]

If you really want a justified anti-EU rant, try mentioning the subject of "permitted" fungicides & pesticides to any home or allotment gardener ...
The big corporations & agribusiness are allowed to use these, but individual private persons can't .......

Raedwald said...

Not wrong, Greg

The compulsory CFL legislation is really all about protecting the two big EU manufacturers Philips and Osram - CFLs from outside the EU carry a stonking 66% customs tariff

Plus there are no patents left on the old incandescents - whereas on CFLs the dominant Euro manufacturers can cash in on new patents

LEDs are the fly in the ointment - currently only 2.7% - 4.7% tariff in the EU, but just wait until Philips and Osram get their Euro LED plants going and the protectionist laws and penal customs tariffs will kick in ...

It's all filth and corruption. The full dirt on the graft, sleaze, bribery and fraud over the incandescent ban is at

http://ceolas.net/#euban

Elby the Beserk said...

Tingey,

Wrong, as my link shows.

mikebravo said...

Whats wrong with the lighting in brothels?
You wouldn't want daylight in there. It would kill the ambience completely.

regina said...

This is such a very informative post. Straight to the point and totally beneficial to everyone with regards to lighting fixtures. Keep us informed.