Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Unofficial Conservatives win record poll share

The Unofficial Conservatives have scored an unprecedented 18% in the most recent ICM / Guardian poll, which also shows the three main parties all 4% down. I'm talking about UKIP, of course. The response of Tory stalwarts, which started by telling UKIP supporters that they were all mad, has switched to something (in Tory eyes, anyway) more subtle - telling them they're wrong. Cameron is doing marvellously on Europe they say; and anyone who patronises the ROH in Covent garden will know how effective his immigration crackdown is; his refusal of a work permit for an American counter-tenor last month was masterly. And suggestions that he is too much like the despised Blair are simply absurd; Blair went to Fettes whilst Cameron went to Eton, Blair's only worth £8m whilst Cameron's worth £12m, Blair lives in the Agaland of Bucks whilst Cameron's country home is in Rayburn shire, Oxon. They couldn't be more different.

Ed's £4m London home is a quite normal asset for any unemployed young man to have acquired, say Labour's apologists, and besides he needs it for entertaining now that he's become interested in politics. And London's full of poor people, yah? So it keeps him in touch with common people. He spoke to someone in a shop recently. 

And Nick is at pains to point out just how hard he and Miriam try to distance themselves from the Tories; in avoiding Osborne & Little wallpaper for their London home, and having to use the more expensive Zoffany instead, they spent an extra quarter mil in decorating. How's that for political dedication? 

Suggestions that they all keep bumping into each-other in the same fashionable London restaurants, shows, parties and first-nights are silly, they all say. Their diary secretaries keep in close contact to ensure this doesn't happen.

No, no they're all completely unlike each-other, totally distinctive, all very different, lots of clear blue water between them. Not at all like each-other. Not at all all the same. Got it?

6 comments:

Barnacle Bill said...

Yes I wonder when if ever we will see another PM with calloused, work stained hands?
Or even an MP come to that!

BulloPill said...

Very well put! The spirit of Jonathan Swift is alive and well!

opinion prole said...

Why do we allow people who have never done real jobs to run our country? There should be a law against it.
Why do we allow these people to run up massive debts that can only be paid back by robbing the taxpayer again and again? There should be a law against it.
Why do we allow people like this to make our laws? There should be.......oh.

Anonymous said...

"Blair's only worth £8m whilst Cameron's worth £12m"

"Ed's £4m London home"

Don't forget the poisonous little rat, Mandleson - he who had to lie to the Britannia building society to obtain a rather modest mortgage only fifteen years ago, now it seems he can lay his rotten hands on £8m at the drop of a hat.

G. Tingey said...

I note you label this excellent piece with the tag: "whimsy"
Actually, very funny bitter sarcasm might be closer.
Well done.
Says it all about the bastards.

Anonymous said...

I gave up smoking in 1992, so you will have to help me out here. What is the average thickness of a cigarette paper? And could you fit that said paper in between the mainstream parties?

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