Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Those Miliband Pledges in full ..

"Brothers and Sistas, Labour is best when it's Old and best when it's Bold. A Labour government in 2015 will deliver:-
  • We'll build two new super steel mills in South Wales and Sheffield, both clean-coal fired with full carbon capture, to make the steel to make Labour's Britain anew, and produce at least 2m tonnes of steel each year irrespective of world markets
  • All gas bills to be capped at 5/6d a week with the nationalised gas companies being made to give all their money to Hard Working Families
  • Every child will have a personal Nanny from the age of 1 year old. We will expand Nanny education in the Higher Education sector to allow 25% of all school leavers to train as State Nannies. Furthermore, we will equip them with both investigative and intervention powers to prevent harm to infants; this will include the power to taser any smokers within 25m of a child under 5.
  • A resurgence in railways, with the nationalisation of train companies to form 'Rail Britain', with porters and uniformed staff at every station, waiting rooms for the disabled and platform breast-milk fridges. In order to give a boost to a new nationalised 'Coal Britain' we'll reintroduce carbon-capture steam trains on all main lines and offer engineering apprenticeships to 14 year olds.
  • We'll force builders to build houses; each builder in Britain will be made to build one free house a year each to give away to Hard Working Families - so bite the bones out of that, Bob, you capitalist graspmonger! Oh yes, and this will include all the Polish builders here as well. 
  • We'll pay for all this with (a) a new tax on white waistcoats, expected to raise over twenty thousand pounds a year (b) our SofaSearch programme to look down the backs of the nation's sofas for bits of loose change (c) holding rich people upside down and shaking them. 
This programme of government is more considered and more mature than any labour manifesto since 1945. Mr Balls has kindly offered to allow Mr Grimble from the Bank of Toytown not only a ride in Noddy's car but a look at his books. Vote for me! Vote for Balls!"


right_writes said...

Silly me... And I thought this author was a bit of a rightie... and all the time he was really Mr. ED the talking horse...

...Either that, or it was a very good impression Raedwald.

Maybe you missed your calling, perhaps you should be on the stage.

G. Tingey said...

Verry funny
Unfortunately ... we did better for power-provision when it was Nationalised & we had long-term forward planning.
Ditto, in many ways the railways, because of the excess over-the-top costs in privatisation, with each competing segment taking profits at every stage - which costs more, of course ....
Steel mills?
Well, they've re-opened the big one(s) up at Redcar, haven't they, as demand increases ....

No party has a sensible energy policy, unfortunately.

Stuff 'em all.

Nick Drew said...

Nicely done, Mr R

he really has lost the plot this time

right_writes said...

G Tingey....

It's not about which company can bill you for the least cash...

It's about getting government and bureaucracy out of the way.

I don't know how old you are Greg, but the memory of the LEB/The Gas Board and the Metropolitan Water Boards are still a horrific memory for me.

Forward planning.... My arse!

Visceral said...

A good parody on the Milli.
I cant see that any party has a real handle on enrgy or much else really, a completely broken system. As for the UKIP leaflet posted it is a jumbled mass of wishes and a void of critical thinking, whilst believing it is rooted in "realism you know." Jokers the lot of them LibLabConUkip, Uncle Tom Cobbley and all...

Anonymous said...

One more thing, even if you can't drive, all members of the communist party will drive the new Zil and it will be paid for out of the pockets of the scumbag running the bourgeoisie, bankster robbing classes and millionaires [ooh shit that's me!].

Strike that one tovarich!

Elby the Beserk said...

Tingey, my dear man, let me tell you a tale about gas, when the state controlled it.

When my ex and I bought our first house, it was pretty much derelict. No power. No gas. Lecky was put back on pretty quickly. Gas, however, was a different matter.

Yes, they said, we can reconnect the gas when you have a gas appliance to connect the supply to.

So off we toodle to the showroom.

Sorry, sir, we can't sell you a gas appliance until you have a gas supply.

One week later, we managed to bang their heads together and get the gas connected.

All nationalised industries become self-serving bureaucracies (viz. the NHS), whose sole purpose is to look after themselves and not their customers. It's the way of the world.

Most of our to-be-nationalised preWWII industries were, indeed, pretty inefficient. They were of course nationalised post WWII and promptly became even more inefficient. Read any post war history and you will have that confirmed for you (Austerity Britain, for example, David Kynaston's excellent tome), or Peter Hennessey's book, title forgotten, covering the same period.

Capitalism is creaky, it needs the odd nudge to work on and off. However, as soon as the state intervenes in industry, history shows us it almost always makes matters worse. And when it's Labour that intervenes, it's a total disaster.

Visceral said...

Elby - shurely the point is that we don't have capitalism in the slightest - it is soft fascism - the industries are in "private" hands with all the lunacy of nationalisation - only the flavour is a little different. That is before we got onto the effects that corporate lobbying have on the body politic.

Demetrius said...

You have forgotten the promise to abolish container shipping and restore the old dock labour system. Also, civil aviation will use restored DC3's. Personally, I would be delighted to have steam loco's back. It would mean the young with nothing to do could become train spotters again.

mikebravo said...

All they need to do to raise the cash is put a billion % tax on stove pipe hats and moustache wax. Then the evil capitalists will have to pay their FAIR share.

Budgie said...

Don't forget, Raedwald, it will work ..... because Ed says so. It is as though the sense and practicality of Margaret Thatcher never was. We are back on the Road to Serfdom, this time with the monster with two Eds.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps we should reintroduce steam locos, it might give the children some understanding as to the huge amount of energy it takes to move a train and might cause them to realise the futility of windmills and solar panels?

Anonymous said...

Who is John Galt?

Johnm said...

You forgot:

"we will build 200,000 homes and then give them, free of charge, to homeless families. Thereby solving homelessness and house price inflation by deflating house prices across the country and increasing local councils income from council tax"

"we will reduce electricity prices by removing vat and the considerable amount of green taxes imposed upon energy, thereby reducing energy prices immediately by a minimum 25%"

"we will save local councils money by removing the requirement on them to subsidise the installation of charging points for electrically-propelled motor vehicles both roadside and domestically"

"unfortunately we cannot halt the rise in air fares as the carbon taxes imposed upon airlines now seem to have been assumed as a global tax and not just an unpopular EU tax"

Weekend Yachtsman said...

And of course, you'll be able to have any design of telephone you want, as long as it's black and thirty years out of date.

Oh, and you have to rent it, you can't buy it.

Oh again, and you have to wait six months to get a line installed.

Yeah, central planning is wonderful.

G. Tingey said...

right_writes & Elby

You DID note my last comment ...?

"Stuff 'em all" ??

James Higham said...

You really bothered?