" It is with great regret that I must abandon my efforts to hold on to the seat of Suffolk South against the opposition of the common people there, who clearly believe they should have some sort of say over who sits as their MP. The impertinence and spite of these Suffolk yokels is beyond belief; not only did they imagine they had a right to question how well I had performed as their MP, they also refused to pay the perfectly reasonable £5,000 fee I had asked for meeting them. Unbelievable. Thankfully, having never moved from my home in Sandwich, I have no interests in the constituency to dispose of and can leave the fools in Sunbury to stew in their own juice. What? .... Sudbury?.... Sudbury to stew in their own juice.
I will now be able to spend more time with my golf club, Royal St George's, but thanks to David haha will still have to make the same journey to Westminster, where I am pleased to say I will be able to continue to promote my scheme for the installation of over 400 wind turbines to, er, Sudbury, which is the highest place in Suffolk at a height of 25m above sea level. Clearly, its extremely elevated position makes it perfect for wind power.
I would like to thank all those at Global Renewables Inc for their help and support during this time, and am pleased finally to be able to take up a full non-exec directorship with the company."