Tuesday, 25 February 2014

"We're cutting your bonus, Hargreaves"

"Ah, Hargreaves, do sit down. I'll come straight to the point; the EU bonus cap on our banking sector means we can no longer pay you the usual £3m bonus on top of your £0.5m salary. We're having to cut your bonus back to the bone, I'm afraid.

However, in order to maintain productivity incentives, we're also moving you onto a new annually appraised fixed salary. Your salary for next year will go from £0.5m to £3.2m. We'll fix it again at the end of the year for another year depending on how you've done. 

I realise this will be quite a financial blow, but we must comply with regulation. That's all, Hargreaves."


Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

Alternately Hargreaves, we have a revised salary structure.

We'll pay you the national minimum wage and then we'll lend you £3 million a year, repayments to start at age 65 coupled to an unemployment insurance policy at Pouffe! Insurance.

Anonymous said...

Rocks and rivers!

Coney Island