Friday, 21 March 2014

Another pint, Nigel?

Tory HQ is desperate to find a beer-drinking Tory MP to put before the cameras. William Hague? Didn't he claim to down sixteen pints a night? Not available. He's drinking wheatgrass and gojanberry smoothies these days, stripped down to his 'Boy' Old Compton Street gym gear in the basement of the FO. Dave and George can't stand the stuff, though they keep some in the fridge for tradesmen. The smell makes Nick sick, and ruins his Jerez taste-buds for days. What about IDS? He was in the army, wasn't he? He must drink beer. Alas, no; Ian is having a dry Lent, and what with the hair shirt is on a bit of a short fuse at the moment. 

No, No, says one young staffer. I remember I keep seeing loads of pictures of this old-skool Tory downing pints and really enjoying them ... what is his name? Something ... Nigel! that's it! Nigel something!

['Every time a Tory opens his mouth to the press, UKIP gets another 10,000 votes']

7 comments:

BrianSJ said...

Most of the Tories will follow their leaders and take the party 'line' I suppose

DeeDee99 said...

Have to share this. Hilarious. (I didn't create it - sadly).

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VKiEMAVlmnE/Tkrm9D9sxxI/AAAAAAAAANI/r-haCHeRRSM/s1600/Cameron%2Bposter%2Bestate.jpg

Jackart said...

At least try to have your pathetic anti-tory rants have some passing affinity to the truth.

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=David+cameron+pint&safe=off&espv=210&es_sm=93&tbm=isch&imgil=f-f-MAX-URbUPM%253A%253Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fencrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com%252Fimages%253Fq%253Dtbn%253AANd9GcQTyF1dSXm1dv9uiPvVRWsu-bHsp_1LTwNhLtkyUgselIRoN-22%253B620%253B387%253B0E5-D7LvDAIRrM%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.telegraph.co.uk%25252Fnews%25252Fpolitics%25252Fdavid-cameron%25252F10366870%25252FHappy-birthday-David-Cameron-but-your-best-year-could-be-behind-you.html&source=iu&usg=__EdFdArlI3Kpacud9sFZ2U_47LjM%3D&sa=X&ei=6_orU7anEcXY7Aa9nYHQAw&ved=0CDIQ9QEwAA#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=f-f-MAX-URbUPM%253A%3B0E5-D7LvDAIRrM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fi.telegraph.co.uk%252Fmultimedia%252Farchive%252F02697%252FcameronPint_2697080b.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.telegraph.co.uk%252Fnews%252Fpolitics%252Fdavid-cameron%252F10366870%252FHappy-birthday-David-Cameron-but-your-best-year-could-be-behind-you.html%3B620%3B387

Raedwald said...

Jackart, dear

S - A - T - I - R - E

Sebastian Weetabix said...

Jackart is writing from an IP address in CCHQ and I claim my £5.

G. Tingey said...

Raedwald
Not so sure...
Unless someoene blinks, the biggest, greediest & therefore most stupid of the Pubcos, "Punch Taverns" is going to go completely tits-up, totally bankrupt, about mid-May.
4000 pubs (No, that's NOT a misprint) under threat of immediate closure.
[ Like I - & CAMRA - have said before nothing at all to do with the smoking ban )
Scares me witless, actually.

Anton Diffring said...

nb Jackart dislikes anti-Tory rants, but reserves the right to rant on behalf of the lycra-clad militant cycling community... Speaking of "right" he's another of those many on what someone once termed the "Quisling Right", which includes the D.Telegraph: pseudo-Rightists who rant a lot but when push comes to shove, align themselves behind social-democrat appeasers such as Cameron.