Monday, 28 April 2014

Brave Italian wren-killers

No wonder the Italians have such a reputation for cowardice. At this time of year Italian 'hunters' flock to Malta, dressed in heavy-duty hunting gear of the sort that a German might don to do battle with a wild boar, and armed with 12 and 16 bore guns; their quarry is, er, small garden songbirds. Mostly finches. Anything bigger is considered dangerous by Italian hunters; they fear being pecked on the ankle by the fearsome pheasant, and will run from a pigeon. Also, they can't shoot very well - so rather than taking flying birds (which are too small to see) they 'hunt' exhausted finches as the birds sit resting on branches from their non-stop flight from Africa.

Hail the mighty virile Italian hunter! Killer of sparrows! He triumphs over wrens! Huzzah!


Anonymous said...

Well, what better to fill your 'budgie smugglers' with for a good pose down by the pool? (When said item of apparel is devoid of balls).

Anonymous said...

A lot like the french "archette" for killing robins then. The French are such lousy shots that even the spread of a 4-bore punt gun would be of no use to their aim. And the noise? Well that would have them hoisting white handkerchiefs. Ah... this just reminded me of the John Cleese ditty...

EU Terror Alert Levels.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Elby the Beserk said...

This has of course been banned by the EU. And continues utterly unrestrained.

Rush-is-Right said...

Just the same here in Cyprus. Pathetic little jerks the lot of them.

Anonymous said...

Not to spoil a good rant, but I lived there for 10 years the vast majority of the of the hunters are Maltese. Something to do with almost starving during the WW2 Siege.

G. Tingey said...

I note that... merely being filmed, even after being told that they could "Move out of shot" (oops! pun, err ) got the mighty "hunters" to call in the plod - who, even in as corrupt a place as Malta, decide that duffing-up a BBC correspondent might not be a good move.