"Good evening. I want to tell you this evening why you should vote Labour - the party of the Common Man. For many of you faced with the price of basics such as Focaccia and Virgin Olive Oil, or bottles of white asparagus or Southwold marsh Samphire, you will know already how rising prices have forced you to cut back on the hours that Nanny does, or even to postpone a simple night out at the theatre with a two course supper at St John's. .
Some of you may even have delayed settling your wine merchant's account, or contemplated switching to VDP from AOC. This is the fault of the Tories, who have squeezed the number of public jobs paying over a hundred-kay to the point where many of you are having to work. My own partner had to let go of a driver recently, as even paying minimum wage she couldn't afford both of them. One more Tory unemployed. One more Guatemalan out of work.
If you elect labour we will abolish VAT on food, books and newspapers; nothing is more important than encouraging reading and good food. We will install Jamie as our Food Tsar, to bring braised trotter stuffed with game terrine to all corners of the UK and an end to food banks. I know all about the challenges faced by the Common Man - and you can rely on me."