Monday, 19 May 2014

UKIP threats: A round-up

Flicking through the online editions, I see the MSM are bang on schedule with the following UKIP stories:-

UKIP Councillor ate Kenyan sprinter - Daily Express
Voters in Leominster expressed astonishment today to learn that Maj Henry Orde, standing in the Council elections for UKIP, is alleged to have cooked and eaten a Kenyan 400m sprinter whilst on safari in the 1960s ....

UKIP victory will cause major floods in Midlands - The Spectator
An opinion poll today amongst Polish plumbers reveals that 94% will return to Poland immediately in the wake of a UKIP victory - devastating flood control management in the Midlands, which relies upon a skilled Polish workforce to manage the region's flood defences ...

UKIP will change the rules of Golf - Sporting Times
Fears that the traditional rules of golf will be changed in the event of a UKIP victory were dismissed today by the party's Sports and Media spokesperson who said "We have absolutely no intention of changing the rules of bloody 'goff' - I don't even play the game"

Elvis Costello CD found at home of UKIP candidate - The Independent
A CD containing the ultra-racist song 'Oliver's Army' has been spotted in the collection of a UKIP candidate, it is reported. The song, which includes the 'n..' word, also states that 'London is full of Arabs' 

UKIP leader is really a twelve-foot lizard - Fortean Times
UKIP leader Nigel Farage is really an alien lizard intent upon taking over the Earth LibDem leader Nick Clegg claimed today ...

UKIP minority candidates helped by witch-doctor - The Sun
Labour party officials in Doncaster South, where Ado Aboyaye is standing for UKIP, have complained that the candidate, who is of African ancestry, is using the services of a witch doctor to secure victory ...

Keep 'em coming, you lot

6 comments:

Demetrius said...

UKIP Provokes Anger On Mount Olympus

Zeus has threatened lightning strikes in retaliation against UKIP wanting to exit Europe and Posdeidon will raise sea levels.

The Leicester Mercury

opsimath said...

Hmm ... do you think there is still time for the DM to publish a 21sy century version of the Zinoviev letter?

Just wondering, like ...

Bill Quango MP said...

I heard that Nigel Farage pushed a Bulgarian child down a well and then poured cement down the well and then built a block of flats over the well and then rented 1the flats out to immigrant families so he could push them down wells.

Anonymous said...

England my England, UKIP, how bad can it get.

Today a report in the Times.........."SCO19 at SW3 right wing fascist bastards overrun flower show - Riot only just quelled."

As Diane Abbot walked, eyeing the garden-scapes on display at the Chelsea Flower show.
A shriek was let forth echoing, as Abbot was heard to complain, a shock, yes shocked that a display cultivated by a UKIP supporter and forthright honest man given to telling how it is. Miss Abbot was taken aback, she not being used to men telling the truth......he evidently said, that, "plants usually were grown in black soil!"
Cor blimey and strike a light me old sparra , yes he used that word, the 'B' word.


The thought police and police helicopter + SCO19 were called immediately.
On arriving the police tasered the 69 yr old, then seven burly officers wrestled and kicked the stunned man on the ground, cuffed and then threw him in the Maria. He will serve, up to 5 years of hard time, he will then undergo rigorous re-education in a "pluralism, hypocrisy and Sharia centre" - [no women] in Tower Hamlets.

Ian Hills said...

Good - I just hope MSM bring up the time he threatened to burn a fake gypsy caravan, until Old Bill stepped in. Then UKIP will score even more votes.

Budgie said...

Chris Huhne says Grauniad readers should vote for politicians with his values ......

Oh, drat, you've already reported that.