In an effort to make the cabinet more representative of the British population, Prime Minister David Cameron is to promote at least two vegetarians and a Methodist into Cabinet posts to replace the omnivores and CofE Cabinet ministers who have just been sacked. The Cabinet already has sufficient atheists, left-handers and people with red hair. Homosexuals, dyslexics and people who don't like fish are also already sufficiently well represented.
Amongst the vegetarians tipped for Cabinet places are Fiona Strewth-Jumper, MP for Surrey Central and Hugo Dimn, member for Old Middlesex. Ms Strewth-Jumper (Roedean and St Hildas) studied cordon-bleu cookery in Switzerland at private school before becoming an MP, and Mr Dimn, whose family farm five thousand acres in the Home Counties, reached the rank of first lieutenant in the Coldstream Guards before entering Parliament, and has seen duty guarding the Tower of London at night. He is tipped as the new Foreign Secretary.
The Prime Minister's spokesman said "Mr Cameron is determined to make the Cabinet more inclusive and representative of a diverse Britain, with members drawn not just from Eton but from all the major public schools."