Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Letter from Loamchester

Dear Fubbs,

Lovely to see you again at the recent Party dinner at the Stag's Head; I realised it must be fifteen years since we closed the old Conservative Club, and I must say Weatherspoons have done a decent job with the conversion, though the name 'The Slime and Bucket' may not be to everyone's taste. Of course, with only fifty members or so left in the constituency these days we simply can't afford anything more than the room that Mr Khan kindly rents us above his shop. 

Still, it's good to see that our Party leaders in London haven't entirely forgotten us. I thought the new candidate that they sent us for next year's election made a rather good speech for someone of twenty-three, though as she's been working in Parliament since she came down from Oxford she should have picked up quite a bit of experience. My only qualm is that some of the voters may have some trouble getting their tongues around her forename; there are not many Pashtoon speakers in the constituency, Colonel Maurice aside, and since he's thrown in his lot with UKIP we have not a-one in the local Party.

For a marginal, we stand a pretty good chance next year. The threefold announcement today that the Loamshire by-pass is to be upgraded to a motorway for the whole of its four mile length - splendid news! - plus a quarter of a billion for flood defences for Spittle Creek (you remember how we used to try to jump it when it was in full flood) and to cap it all, reduced price beer for pensioners from Osborne's Brewery for the whole of next year are a triple whammy (if you'll pardon the expression) that will put the party in good stead. And that chap from the Treasury made it quite clear that this is all due to our fantastic economic recovery, and nothing to do with the election at all. Let Labour try to cap that, eh? 

Right, must sign off now as Tadusz is here to do the garden and as the Poles simply don't understand herbacious perennials I must provide direction.

All my love



right_writes said...

Raedwald, this is a hopeless effort, you must realise that people don't write to each other any more.

Are you sure that Bunty didn't "Facebook" Fubbs?

Raedwald said...

Ah, but SOME people still do (ahem) write letters, in real ink with fountain pens ...
(pic appended to post)

Mike Spilligan said...

Quite valid in tone, even if not authentic in mode. (Though I stil "write" letters - on a PC - because they are welcomed and have more impact.)
The only people that the miraculous Autumn Statement will influence are those committed Tories who may, for a few days, be given heart to go campaigning, though it will have faded well before April. My local Con club is in debt to the tune of £30K and, apparently, they are all (all 23?) looking at the rich MP to take the lead in reducing this. Ho-ho.

James Higham said...

Fountain pens are all in museums now, aren't they?