Thursday, 22 January 2015

That Green Party Manifesto in full

Russell Brand's influence in shaping the Green Party's Manifesto, published this week, is clear; here are the key policy heads:-

Defence
  • Army, Navy and Air Force to be abolished and replaced with a co-operative of Buddhist monks capable of yogic flying
  • Nuclear weapons scrapped, schoolchildren trained in karmic meditation to deliver psychokinetic 'love bomb' 
  • Military bases converted to 'dogging zones' and red-light tolerance areas and sites for windmills
Energy
  • All internal combustion engines banned - road vehicles to be electric or wind or pedal-driven only. 
  • Nuclear and coal power stations to close immediately, to be replaced by windmills
  • Batteries banned for phones, laptops etc - to be replaced with wind-up mechanisms
Transport
  • Most airports to be closed and converted to 'dogging zones' and red-light tolerance areas and sites for windmills. All air travel to be approved by government officials. 
  • Channel ferries to be converted to sail
  • All public transport to be free, including taxis after 10pm in city centres
  • All road bridges to be raised in height to allow use of sails on wind-powered cars.
Gift tax
  • All gifts over £10 to be licensed by government officials to prevent unfair advantage for rich children on their birthdays and at Christmas; expensive children's gifts to be taxed at rates up to 80% to fund government provision of tenners in birthday cards for the poor
  • Gifts between adults in sexual relationships to be exempt from tax only if (a) either partner is a commercial sex worker or (b) if the sexual participants are not more than 10 years apart in age. 
Criminal justice
  • Prostitution and sex work to be legalised and training courses established for sex workers at all Russell Group universities.
  • Terrorism to be legalised if in aid of animal or fish or invertebrate rights or against science and GM. 
  • Cannabis to be compulsory at education Key Stages 5 - 11
  • Prisons closed and converted to 'dogging zones' and red-light tolerance areas and sites for windmills.
Tax
  • All tax for ordinary people to be abolished and replaced with a system of collecting tins at pubs, hospitals, brothels and dogging sites etc
  • Rich people to be taxed until they can't afford ride-on mowers any more and have to drink cider
  • Cannabis, e's etc to be tax free 
Getting-up time
  • All persons under 30 to be exempt from having to get up before 11.00 am or 14.00 at weekends and public holidays
 

17 comments:

Bloke In Italy said...

Worryingly close to the truth.

There are plenty of people in parliament, the bbc and the grauniad who whi be far from displeased with such an agenda.

In fact so would I because as Lenin astutely observed, worse is better: it is only once the decent majority's collective patience snaps that we can finally getting round to hanging Blair and all the rest of it.

Anonymous said...

@ collecting tins at pubs, hospitals, brothels and dogging sites

Not sure you'd profit much from what gets collected in those tins.

I had that Russell Brand in the back of the cab once. Still haven't got rid of the smell.

Anonymous said...

You only need visit Brighton to know what is in store for these benighted islands, heaven forfend it, if these wing nuts get anywhere near the levers of power.

As Delingpole quite rightly asks though, why is it that the slightest inkling of any sort of policy initiative from UKIP is jumped upon from all around - media and political sphere from all quarters and blogs alike.

Whereas, the greens can insinuate their loony tuned manifesto into the ether and nobody in the Westminster bubble media bats the merest flick of an eyelid?

Indubitably though, I can see why Miliband junior is loving all of this. Because, by comparison with the SNP celtic lunatics and the green spas's. Ed the Red, is a paragon advocate of sensible Communist policy commitments.

Fucking hell, we are going to hell and we are shackled into the handcart - politics the vehicle and with the corporates as the drivers.

Like em or loathe em, UKIP is the only salvation.

G. Tingey said...

ALMOST correct.

I am, actually quite "green" in my leanings - which is why, under no circumstances will I ever vote for this collection of Watermelons.

If you love the environment - DON'T vote Green.

To which I may add:
If you want your country well-defended - DON'T vote tory
If you want fair rights & decent employment for actual workers _ DON't vote Labour
If you want better education - DON'T vote Lem-o-Crat.

Gah.

[ P.S. One tiny ray of sense though: Drugs: Decriminalise & make available on "prescription" ( i.e. legalise, regulate, tax )

meltemian said...

Blimey Mr. Tingey, that's three posts I pretty much agree with....I think I must be going down with something!

Elby the Beserk said...

Tingey - come on, spill the beans on Calvin, and why you stated he was a horrible person. Surely it wasn't just ... prejudice ... was it?

Over to you. And stop avoiding you. Back up what you write or shut up eh?

Elby the Beserk said...

Tingey - come on, spill the beans on Calvin, and why you stated he was a horrible person. Surely it wasn't just ... prejudice ... was it?

Over to you. And stop avoiding you. Back up what you write or shut up eh?

G. Tingey said...

Elby
Off topic, but OK

He was, in fact, a horrible mirror-image of the people & organisation he hated, the RC church.
He invented the police state: "It was as if the walls of all the houses in Geneva had been turned into glass"
He micro-managed & bullied people unmercifully, the lightest recreation & amusement was banned (even singing any secular songs) & of course, he copied the RC's vileness in burning people alive.

What's not to loathe?

Sackerson said...

But I like dogs!

It's their policy on Europe I can't accept.

SG said...

In good 'green' fashion I have recyled this from a post elsewhere. Green? They are nothing of the sort. A party of the far left coated in a superficial green veneer. The only Green characteristics that they exhibit are naivety and envy. Welcome to a world of self composting toilets, blackouts and hessian sacks for breakfast, lunch and tea - and if there's anything left over you can fucking sleep in it. A bunch of nutter idealogue, anti-science, luddite fantasists. Who is that Aussie bint that fronts them up and what the fuck is she doing here? If there was ever a case for transportation this is it.

Then there is the Green business lobby and the 'offset' industry. I'm with James Lovelock on these matters:

 "Don't feel guilty about opting out of this nonesense: closer examination reveals it as an elaborate scam in the interests of a few nations whose economies are enriched in the short term by the sale of wind turbines, biofuel plants and other green-sounding energy equipment. Don't for a moment believe the sales talk that these will save the planet... Agencies now exist which allow air travellers to plant trees to offset the extra carbon dioxide their plane adds to the overburdened air. How like the indulgences once sold by the Catholic Church to wealthy sinners to offset the time they might otherwise spend in purgatory..." (from 'The Vanishing Face of Gaia' 2009).

If one wants to see what Britain would look like after a few years of 'Green' Government one need look no further than Bangladesh (an overcrowded, extremely poor country prone to flooding).

Cascadian said...

A country that has a Department of energy and climate change is gullible in the extreme and will vote for most of the policies expounded.

Milliband famously drafted most of the energy-generation destructive law.

SamCam of greenpeace-fame ensures camoron does not stray too far from ensuring the Sheffield and the royal families future of windmill extortion.


The hush puppy party will go along with any nonsense that can be dreamed up.

Combine this with Greg's astute comments earlier to understand why you might be better off governed by A N Other.

G. Tingey said...

Cascadian
The trouble is that there really is a problem with Global Warming - it is real & it is dangerous ... but, as usual what is guvmint actually doing about it that is useful?
Nothing at all - just ripping us off with taxes, rather than building nuclear power stations RIGHT NOW.
Faffing around with wind-power, when really large-scale tidal is the way to go ...
etc, etc, etc until you are sick.

That & other subsidiary gross incompetencies are the real "GW scam".

Cascadian said...

Greg as you would say, almost correct-it is indisputable the earth is warming-very slowly as it has been doing (more-or-less) since the demise of the ice age. Not enough to panic about, certainly not enough to believe that man could have any effect.

As to your solutions, nuclear power, certainly but on a very much smaller scale than governments like to build. Wind-totally useless in the UK. Tidal-don't think so, you cannot even build sea defences how will you ever build a large scale dam bedded in mud?

Elby the Beserk said...

References please Greg. Citations. You may not know - clearly you don't - that Calvin was deeply involved in the civil government of Geneva, and hugely appreciated there. And have you read any of his works? What you claim about him does NOT mirror his work at all. I call prejudice on you.

Budgie said...

The hoax part of global warming is CAGW - the theory that we will get a global catastrophe due to runaway global warming caused by man made emissions of CO2. Even the global warming alarmists are back-tracking from that.

Unfortunately it is exactly the global catastrophe scenario which has captured the political establishment in the West (USA, UK, EU etc). Hence the guilt trip about your "carbon" footprint.

There has been (natural) global warming in the Holocene, otherwise we would be under half a mile of ice in the UK, but hysteria apart the contribution of AGW is likely to be small.

Indeed even if the sensitivity to man made CO2 is as high as some alarmists contend, and since the global temperature has been largely level since 1998, then we are looking at a compensating severe natural cooling to compensate. Far more alarming than the mild warming we have actually had.

Anonymous said...

This article is peurile garbage. Sneering bullshit written to appeal to bigots.

Try reading the Green's real manifesto and respond with a fact-based dialectical analysis.

Or just continue making snide comments to your snide mates.

Raedwald said...

Dear anon cretin

Your use of the term 'dialectical' identifies you as a watermelon and I claim my £5.

Now get back to your 'Socialist Worker' paper round.