M E M O R A N D UMFROM: LIAM BYRNE
TO: ALL STAFF AND RALLY ORGANISERS
1. When I arrive at the rally at 09.52 I expect a 6oz cup of Cappuccino made with Arabica beans and non-homogenised pasteurised whole milk, the fluid part at 85deg C and the froth exactly 15mm deep.
2. The audience is to be segregated with women only permitted to occupy limited seating in the left of the hall. Women should be modestly garbed in Burqa, Niqab or full dress and scarf. This includes ALL labour party women members including those on the NEC.
3. I do not expect to hear any questions, comments, sighs, laughs, coughs or any other sound from the female audience. It is a woman's place to be seen and not heard.
4. Do not brief me with what you think I should know about your constituency, but what you know I will be asked. All audience questions are to be submitted in advance for approval to my office.
5. All persons attending are to be pat-searched for mobile phones and must sign an undertaking to keep these switched off when I share the golden pearls of wisdom that drip from my lips with the audience.
6. I will take soup between 12.23 and and 12.52. Soup is to served in a 10oz portion in a flat bowl with croutons at a temperature of 68deg C. Prohibited soups include Oxtail, Beef and Tomato and anything with garlic.
|Liam Byrne's (segregated) Birmingham Audience|