Sunday, 28 June 2015

Britain's National Barrier

National Barrier on manoeuvres
Sometimes I feel that the government doesn't make enough of our quiet successes, such as the National Barrier. You didn't realise we had one? Well, there you go. The National Barrier was first commissioned for the 2012 Olympics and deployed in East London, after which it wasn't seen again until the last NATO summit in Wales in 2014. Now the Minister for the National Barrier, Mr James Brokenshire, is set to send the Barrier on its first foreign expedition - to Northern France. The Minister has been trying to deploy the fence in France since 2014, when it was much admired by NATO leaders, but the French, keen to extol the virtues of their own Barrière National, with an eye to export orders, have repeatedly blocked the UK deployment. However, this weekend the Barrier's handlers are under orders for Mobilisation

The nation's crack National Barrier Asset Team are based at Larkhill behind, er, high fences and train constantly using articulated loaders and Telehandlers in the precise alignment of Barrier components and assembly using specially forged spanners and Barrier keys. Barrier parts stand ready for home or overseas deployment at short notice, and are resilient to most environmental threats such as rain. This dedicated team of men and women are maintained on full alert at all times, ready to deploy the National Barrier on a moment's notice from the Minister. 

So there you have it. Mr Brokenshire has a powerful asset at his disposal, and the United Kingdom can rest easier in its bed that we have the National Barrier. 

15 comments:

Giovanni Botulismo said...

Should The National Barrier - for greater effectiveness - have a connection to The National Grid when deployed outside UK borders? :-)

James Higham said...

They use them in Oz. So it's not just Nigel?

Anonymous said...

There's a few religion of peace ghettos in this country they should think of deploying them first rather than helping Les Frogs out.

"Containment/Quarrantine starts at home."

Budgie said...

"... resilient to most environmental threats such as rain ..."

But will it resist extreme weather events? And if not, why not? I think we should be told.

Ed P said...

What became of the X-ray system which would reveal anyone inside a lorry as it was driven slowly past the detectors? And there is also an effective gas sniffer system which can sense exhaled breath. Combined, these are 100% effective and would stop all illegals getting past Dover.
So build the bloody great fence at Calais - it will only move the problem to Dieppe or Boulogne, etc. - or reintroduce the above filtering systems. Or perhaps there's a hidden political agenda (like Blair's underhand immigration policy)?

DJF said...

I live in the USA and have been repeatedly told by my “rulers” that national barriers have no effect on immigrants. Immigrants have super powers and can leap over any national barrier. In fact national barriers just encourage immigrants because immigrants love the challenge

The only thing such barriers are good for is keeping riffraff Americans out of places like the White House, Congress and political conventions.

Budgie said...

Poor Africans and poor Arabs desperately flee from corrupt/badly-ruled/war-torn countries by boat across the Mediterranean and land in Italy (mainly). Understandable, really - I would try to do the same.

Poor Africans and poor Arabs desperately flee from Italy into France where they flee from the French so they can congregate round an escape route into the UK. To get into the UK they will expose themselves to extreme risk, some dying in the attempt.

Many of our "top" businessmen and politicians want us to stay in the EU, and even join the euro, to make us more and more like France and Italy via the EU's "ever closer union"

Are these poor desperate people trying to tell our europhile establishment something?

Anonymous said...

I also saw Mr Brokenshire's announcement (what an apt name btw). It is hard not to be cynical about the effectiveness of this 'Canutian' measure. As if a fence will keep the young men of military age who congregate in the Calais 'jungle' from finding their way here. But in some ways that's just a side show compared with the vast numbers migrating here, legally and illegally, via other channels. If immigration continues at present rates, by 2050 the geographical area currently occupied by the United Kingdom will have a population of around 90 million. The vast majority of these, say 75 million, in England. Around a third will be of Asian or African ethnicity,  upwards of a quarter Muslim ( just guesses of course in the absence of any projections from the politically correct ONS...). Under localism arrangements many local authority areas will be run by Muslims for Muslims with Muslim only 'faith' schools (madrassas), hospitals and, as a result of local referenda, an opt out from English law placing the inhabitants under the jurisdiction of Sharia courts. Non Muslims still resident in these areas will be subjected to a supplementary 'jizya' on top of council tax - aren't we nearly there already in some places? Still, on the upside, we'll see the return of popular measures such as the death penalty with the added bonus of executions being carried out in public albeit with the old hangman's noose replaced by the block and sword for the gents and pit and stoning for the adulterous 'laydees'. What's not to like?

john cheshire said...

Is this a barrier of mass segregation, capable of being deployed within 45 minutes?

Anonymous said...

Maybe the National Barrier could be used (once electrified) to corral the land area in the ME that IS claim to be theirs?

Coney Island

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

Now that Glastonbury is over - there is a another 3rd world capable / proven barrier available for deployment to defeat those who would not pay / play the game / take the piss.

What would Michael Eavis / Greenpiece / OXFAM do if they were given complete control of immigration?

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

Yikes! - I clicked the DT link after commenting.... blimey - somebody in No.10 PR Dept slipped up there not getting the minister to rename himself before giving him the job!

The rate at which folk seeking to sneak in via Dover / Chunnel would drop dramatically if a bounty was paid for every one nabbed. In all liklihood - it'd interfere with the lucrative business of confiscating tobacco and other stuff from pensioners on shopping trips that HMRC top up their "meager" salaries with....

Since UKBA were officially designated as "NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE" information on those guarding our borders has been pretty scant - eh?

Anonymous said...

Damn; I thought our National Barrier was the millions of cones stored on our motorway network..

Anonymous said...

A national barrier asset? Hardly space travel is it!? Motor racing promoters put these things up every weekend around the world. There was some at Battersea just this week!

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

In other news - I see the RAF is reduced to the status of mortuary van drivers... This might seem a bit harsh - but I've actually been involved in repatriating corpses.

It's a sad mess - but I'm deeply ambivalent about using the military for this task both on a domestic level and the perception in Tunisia and other states at risk.