Saturday, 5 December 2015

ISIS practice toilet drill in new blue skirts

ISIS-Daesh revealed their new Spring range of uniform skirts today at a fashion event in Afghanistan. The bias-cut wraparound skirts in Lapis Lazuli canvas will make a welcome and attractive addition to the fighters' wardrobes, equally suited for combat or evening wear when they can be worn with an off-the-shoulder suicide vest in matching fabric. 

The models are pictured at toilet drill. Islamists believe they must never see their own genitals and are terrified that if they catch sight of them will be driven to Onanism and will lose their place in Heaven. In addition to the skirts, Islamist toilet doors therefore have no locks so that the extended right arm must always be used to hold the door shut. The models are pictured at 'squat hole toilet drill', one of the many combat skills displayed by these crack and alluring troops. 


13 comments:

Span Ows said...

To prove their spin/marketing ability they have hidden the olive drab/off green winter version at the back or in the middle to not deflect form their uniform 'team' image.

Cuffleyburgers said...

Radders - looks to me more like goat shagging drill. The right arm is extended to hold the animal by the scruff of the neck, and the attractively coloured skirt ensures easy access to the tackle.

Raedwald said...

Ah yes - the words of command are quite similar.

Tragedy of course what happened to Fusilier William Windsor of the R Welsh when they had that Afghan Army cohort at the depot for training; they say he wouldn't leave the Goat Major's side for weeks after, and still starts trembling when he smells a kebab.

Anonymous said...

You haven't mentioned Raqqa M&S's new line of AK47s in a range of colours designed to co-ordinate with their new, feminine, look.

Jay

Dave_G said...


Well, that's a first.

My post questioning the veracity of Radders assertions has been 'censored'.

Shame on you.

Raedwald said...

Dave_G - I haven't censored anything; I think your comment appears on the post beneath ...

Dave_G said...

My most abject apologies.

I'm a (blind) idiot.

Raedwald said...

No probs - and it's OK, good news is you can keep both your eyes but we'll have to chop your foot off before next Friday prayers - nowt personal, just the Book ...

Anonymous said...

think you are on to something here. imagine how pissed off you would be if i took ALL your wives! lets do it!

DeeDee99 said...

Perhaps they got the idea from Carry on up the Khyber but didn't understand that in order to be "men in skirts" they aren't supposed to wear anything underneath them.

meltemian said...

Well the new image is considerably less daunting than the old black balaklavas. Nice frocks though, Vivienne Westwood?

Mr Ecks said...



Reminds me of Mr Han from "Enter the Dragon" and his invincible army of karate white belts most of whom obviously couldn't do a proper punch and prob couldn't spell karate let alone do it.

When push came to shove they were all defeated by Bruce Lee, John Saxon (in a very dodgy syrup) and a load of waterfront drunks who had escaped the cells with a mega-cob on about their enforced sobriety.

Ah Happy Days!!

Ed P said...

Fisting practise?