Cullee EffectGovernment advice continued that if you are unable to cull at least one health fascist, an alcohol intake of one bottle of wine a day or four pints of beer a day was required.
Dame Sally Arrogant-Bitch 15% health improvement
The BMA 25% health improvement
Council Obesity Counsellors 7% health improvement
The government now recommends that both men and women drink a bottle of wine a day, without making any allowance for body mass. "If we included a proportionate level for body mass, then 17 stone bankers would get 3 bottles of wine a day as a healthy allowance and little blond Chelsea mums would be limited to half a bottle. This is clearly wrong".
Dame Sally Arrogant-Bitch commented "It's all a load of bollocks, really. I only do it for the money and the title".
Those who disagree with the new government limits are advised to move to France, Spain or Germany, where the recommended wine intakes are respectively 3 bottles, 2 bottles and 1 bottle and some schnappes each day to achieve the same health levels as the UK. The fact that all these nations have a vastly more effective health service than the UK has something to do with the differences.
"We can't make the bloody NHS work even to a minimum level of efficiency" said Dame Sally "So we have to make people live like bloody vegetarian hermits instead".