Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Blair's next job

"The body is starting to stink" said Ted, Blair's enigmatic CIA chum and head of station in Uzbekistan. "Karimov was a good client" replied Blair "and will be hard to replace". The two men ducked to avoid the splash of blood and entrails from a rebel being torn apart by wild horses as a warm-up to the weekend's soccer match in the country's new $2bn stadium  (Blair's cut was 7%). Blair glanced round to see Philip Green's wife wince as she picked a piece of rebel spleen from her Hermes bag. The new British ambassador cleared his throat. "They can't keep news of his death secret for ever. Sitting him on the throne during the day and popping him back in the meat fridge at night. He was never exactly an animated man but people are starting to notice"

Blair looked thoughtfully at the ambassador. When in office in the UK he had to replace Britain's previous representative when the man complained about having to watch Karimov's enemies being boiled alive in butter. A gentle man who affected red socks, it was the agonised screaming that upset him. That and the guiltily delicious smell that took roast pork from his menu for the next four years. 

"So how about it, Blair? You ready?" asked Ted. "I can feel the hand of destiny on my shoulder" replied Blair "Cherie can redecorate the Presidential Palace. We'll have to cut down a little on the butter-boilings, of course, with Cherie being a judge and everything, but I can't deny the money is a key attraction."  he gazed wistfully at the horizon, past a section of bowel hanging from the corner of the VIP stand. "as of course is the lack of an extradition treaty with the UK."

"Congratulations, Mr President" growled Ted.


Barnacle Bill said...

T B-Lair's next job, along with that old hag Cherie, should be sewing mailbags for HM. With plenty of dropped bars of soap for their weekly shower outing amongst fellow inmates.

Anonymous said...

Can't someone persuade Mr and Mrs ah la-di-dahs and gaudy nouveau riche kitsch to go on a trip to darkest Borneo and a visit to some native head shrinks - all in the name of science and homeo-phrenology - you understand?

Ed P said...

That bastard is giving the undead a bad name

Anonymous said...

I was thinking John le Carre, but I've never read any of his so it must be Len Deighton's 'Game, Set and Match' trilogy. By the by it's a decent caricature of the Blair creature Raedwald.


Anonymous said...

Steve do try to get time to read some Le Carre, they are so tightly plotted and written.

and er btw Radders........"(Blair's cut was 7%)" nah wiv ah Ton' would nae settle for paltry 7%! More likely it's [his cut] is higher, when you add in "services rendered" and 'pension contribution top up' - 'kids property indemnity' - come on these days, the wicked witch is a fucking court judge [FFS!!!] her.......with a moral compass gone walkabout.

Bleedin' hell, it's small wonder that, the country is burrowing itself deeper into the dark black shit.

Anonymous said...

Talking about Bliar's other half, do you remember the time she was invited to a private viewing of some posh mall shops in Aus? Of course the scouse will out, she took it to mean "FREEBIES" - she walked round with a shopping trolley and helped herself to circa £5K five grands worth! of clothes.

mikebravo said...

Mr & Mrs Blair's next job should be straightening a couple of lengths of piano wire.