On the side of the Angels

Simon Jenkins has a decent dig at the crooks, shills, shysters and frauds who run FIFA and the IOC this morning; after conning the UK out of £9bn for their beanfest of Lithuanian tarts, blacked out limos and goody bags packed with Columbian marching powder, they imagined that squeezing £12bn out of the favelas of Rio would give them another go, this time with sunshine and bronzed bottoms. Back here in 2012 we cynics predicted a popular uprising against the Zil lanes, with IOC functionaries being pelted in their limos with ordure mid-pipe. It never happened - they just added half a billion to the security measures and another £250m to the publicity budget. But I'm not so sure it couldn't happen in Rio in 2016; it's therefore imperative that we do all we can to encourage the most lavish, extravagant and wasteful games ever.

After all, it may be our last chance to see crawling on hands and knees an IOC member stripped naked by an angry Brazilian crowd, his Lithuanian tart dismissed and his IOC limo jacked up on bricks while youths high on his IOC drugs-packet nick the wheels. It would be worth every penny of 2012.

Meanwhile our own crooks, shills, shysters and frauds who ran the CQC find themselves unexpectedly exposed; Cynthia Bower, Jill Finney and Anna Jefferson have been named as the scum who tried to cover up a negative report. Despite the redacted report trying to hide them by naming them as 'Mr' alphabet letters. I think it's also time that all UK public sector senior managers who are members of Common Purpose to have to declare it - as Masons do. What's the betting that at least two out of these three are CP shills?

Yet more blackmail, bribery and corruption

Does anyone smell a strong piscene odour from the following sequence of events?


1. RMT union plans 2 week strike this Summer and more during Olympics year
2. Concern expressed by IOC officials that the Zil lanes may be crowded, or that their pre-booked whores and drug-runners may be late in arriving at their hotels
3. Pay deal announced on 10th May for RMT & TSSA of 5.2% from January 2011 and inflation plus 0.5% from January next year plus a £500 Olympic bonus for each worker
4. RMT calls off planned 2 week strike


Like rotten Mackerel. 

FIFA ahead of IOC in Most Corrupt race?

That traditional annual sporting event, the FIFA - IOC Derby for the title of the most bent corrupt bastards on the planet has got off to a fine start this year. FIFA immediately went ahead on news that Qatar had bribed every single FIFA member with traditional cash in €500 notes and had additionally provided them with several kilos of cocaine, Polish whores and a Thai ladyboy in order to secure their nomination. The International Olympic Committee made a spirited return with news that half of them had approached the Lord Chamberlain to ask about the going rate for a Knighthood each, others had already sold places in the Zil cavalcade to Mexican drug barons and one had approached a British actor known as a family man with an offer to push various objects up his bottom in return for IOC advertising work. Both teams have now issued a 'rate card' to clarify the expected cost of corruption, bent decisions, fixing the draws, nobbling races and selling the sexual favours of international athletes and, disturbingly, parathletes. 


I just hope that whoever lets any of these loathsome slime slither their noisome way into the UK has the decency to organise a receiving line made up of convicted MPs, nonces and the scum of the prisons rather than anyone with a scruple of decency who might risk gagging at the stench of their foulness.