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Sunday, 18 May 2008

Teenage Gordon Brown would have been on 'special needs' register

I have so far this year seen nothing so dismal and depressing as the government's new 'Common Assessment Framework' for every young person from a foetus to a 19 year old. The form, which must be filled in by an adult who has undergone the government's five-hour training course, can be found HERE. The manual is HERE. The Mail reports that the police have dubbed it 'Every fat kid matters'.

Unless a child manages to conform to all the dreary non-aspirational tenets of Statist normalcy it is to be classified having special needs and placed on a State register. Interestingly, an 18 year-old Gordon Brown would probably have been so classified. Here is how his form may have been completed:

Health conditions or impairments which significantly affect everyday life functioning whether chronic or acute, including obesity
Subject is blind in one eye and pale and podgy. Admits he eats chips and porridge.

Being well-nourished, being active, rested and protected, gaining control of the body, acquiring physical skills
Subject admits occasional loss of control of his body, but feels his throwing skills for small objects are well developed

The ability to communicate effectively, confidently and appropriately with others
The subject admits deficiencies in these areas. He says people don't understand him. This leads to frustration and temper tantrums.

Ability to gain attention and make contact, access positive relationships, be with others, encourage conversation
Subject says he has no skills in these areas

Listening and paying attention to what others say, making playful and serious responses, enjoying and sharing stories, songs, rhymes and games, learning about words and meanings
He says songs, rhymes and games are frivolous and time-wasting, and he isn't much interested in other people's opinions.

Appropriateness of social and communications skills, for example, body language, excessive use of expletives or inappropriate language, for example brusque manner
Subject says he is impatient of others and sometimes has to throw mobile phones at them

Anti-social behaviour for example, destruction of property, aggression towards others, harm or risk of harm to others
See above

Early sexual activity, unprotected sex, lack of reflection or positive decision making about sex and relationships
Subject says he has no interest in girls and would rather read 'Engels for Boys' and has made a positive decision about sex and relationships - he's not interested.

Sense of belonging, being able to join in, enjoying being with familiar and trusted others, valuing individuality and contributions of self and others, having a role and identity within a group, acceptance by those around them
Subject says Labour Party is the perfect collectivist group so long as he can be in charge and no-one contradicts him

Understanding of the way in which appearance and behaviour are perceived and the impression being created
Subject picked his nose and chewed his nails continually during the assessment. His hair is greasy and unwashed and his standards of personal hygiene dubious.

The ambitions of the child or young person, whether their aspirations are realistic and they are able to plan how to meet them
Subject says he wants to be elected as Prime Minister. He can't see this is an unrealistic aspiration as his lack of capacity to engage emotionally won't make him a vote-winner. "Then by any means necessary" he responded. Assessor got scared at this point and terminated the assessment.

Conclusion: The subject is sociopathic and borderline psychotic. Immediate multi-agency intervention is recommended.

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