Friday, 8 January 2010

Coo coo ca-choo, Mrs Robinson

The Robinsons were never the most attractive political family; like the loathsome Keens, they amassed a fortune in public funds as a grasping double-act. The kitsch vulgarity of their home in the Province, their tawdry holiday home in Florida and their tasteless flaunting of Leviticus all proved sufficiently attractive to their electors, however, and I think this latest episode won't harm them unduly.

You see, both the Robinsons and their voters are Springer Show people. The tearful and repentant Robinsons on the stage, the toyboy waiting in the wings, the audience ready to hiss or aaah! at every twist in the tale; the supposed attempted suicide, the feigned repentance, the seeking of forgiveness. All the spectacle lacks is the voice of an angel imparting political advice unto Mrs Robinson's ear.

"Did your Parliamentary researcher's salary from your dad compensate for the fact your mum was screwing a boy younger than you are?" Springer could ask of the Robinson offspring, and the audience would oooh!

"You were screwing the taxpayer for half a million a year in salaries and expenses, Iris - but this wasn't enough, was it? You wanted to screw some more" Springer could demand, and a photo of the boy in his underpants taken from Facebook would flash on the studio screen. Springer would produce the boy's tearful mother, with a Belfast accent that could cut steel, warning Iris to take her geriatric hands off her son; the harridans would fly at eachother across the stage, the air thick with clumps of dyed hair and facepowder as Security pulls them apart.

Yes, pure Springer.

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids

Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't think any of us particularly like the Robinsons or, for that matter, the DUP generally. They certainly have neither the British bourgeois values nor the political sense of the UUP.

However, having said that, I can't help but compare the amount of attention that Iris' nonsense is getting compared with the attention given to the Adams family sex abuse scandal and, in patricular, to Gerry Adams' part in hiding the rape of a small child for three decades.

Iris is a fairly repulsive character at the best of times, but what she did was consensual - and yet she is crucified while Adams (who hid his brother's repulsive crimes, browbeat his niece into silence and led a family and community-wide conspiracy of silence) is, at worst, ignored by the media. I say "at worst" because, honestly, most of the time this genocidal gang leader is getting slaps on the back and approval from the left-wing southern English press for his part in suppressing yet another Irish Catholic child rape case.