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Friday, 19 March 2010

Not much of a servant in the Squeaker

The Speaker is the servant of the House, not its master. It is not a role that comes easily to 'I wanna be a sleb' Squeaker John Bercow. You see, he's a small man, and I've had the same nonsense from small men for most of my working life.

As a big chap I'm a bit like a benign Labrador. Children can pull my tail, cats can chase me away from my food bowl and I regard it all with good-natured tolerance. Even when little, irritating, yappy dog-things with delusions of alpha-dogness run around my legs yap-yapping away, I'm rarely tempted to swallow them. Bercow is one of those irritating little yappy dog-things, obsessed with alpha-male status. Like most small men, he means trouble. I'll always avoid having a small man on my design teams these days; they're always more likely to cause discord than big men.

Tip for MPs; when you elect the next speaker, if they're male, make sure they're over 5'9" tall.


Blue Eyes said...

Hey! Not all short blokes are w^nkers.

Letters From A Tory said...

"when you elect the next speaker, if they're male, make sure they're over 5'9" tall"

And make sure that they are politically neutral, don't fiddle their expenses, don't abuse taxpayers' money and don't have a wife who also wants to be a sleb.

wildgoose said...

I am 6'5" tall and this is absolutely spot on. There's a reason for the "Gentle Giant" observation, we don't have anything to "prove".

There are too many small men around with a psychological need to show they aren't as insignificant as their height.

Elby The Berserk said...

The only manager I didn't get in with in over 25 years in software was a small feller. I'm 6'6". He was not much over 5'3 if at all. We took an instant dislike to each other, pumped up for me by the fact that he was a jumped up accountant with not a fucking clue about software.

Happily, I got made redundant about two weeks before I was going to walk. Enough was enough. Twat didn't even express any sympathy when my mother died. That took the bloody biscuit.

So - God Bless 6'4" Randy Newman, and his exquisite song, "Short People". And God Bless the Americans, who, failing to recognise the irony in the song, sent him lots of death threats.

But then, that's short people for you...

Demetrius said...

How tall was Michael Martin?

Anonymous said...

Tall man, small cock. Small man, all cock.

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

Monsieur Sarkozy has caused much hilarity in his homeland getting caught bussing in audiences for speeches who are shorter then Le President.

I am reminded of Leo Sayer in the late 70's whose minders wouldn't let anybody over 6ft near him.

Von Ryan's Express - the Max von Sydow - Burt Lancaster scene where one is walking in a trench

Nomad said...

It is said that Alan Ladd always used to have to stand on a box to kiss his leading ladies.

Agree with Elby. The biggest prat I ever had the misfortune to deal with was also one of the shortest I ever met. Whenever he was away from the office the atmosphere among the staff was like the sun shining on a beautiful Saturday morning; when he came back it changed to a wet Monday.