Monday, 19 April 2010

"Did I hear Cardinal Puff? You're nicked!"

The Americans have a version of a drinking game that consists of spinning a bottle flat on a table. Whoever it points at has to take a drink. Like the Australian's favourite gambling game of 'two up' it requires little skill to succeed and can be played even when blind drunk. It's even easier than nominating the drinker by the old playground method of "One potato two potatoes three potatoes four ..".

Not so the English middle classes, who long ago devised games in which the forfeit drinker penalised himself. "I drink to the health of Cardinal Puff for the third time!" knock knock "Oh bugger. Fill it up again". Such games have been a rite of passage for every nineteen year old rugger-playing student for as long as anyone can remember.

In a new report the release of which was buried by the legal highs row, the drugs committee headed by Professor Nutt - he who I seem to recall advocates that we should all smoke cannabis - have recommended that student drinking games be made illegal.

I'll bet every male medical student who studied before Rag Week was made illegal on Health and Safety grounds is a Cardinal. I'll bet every officer who passed out of Sandhurst before breastfeeding and childcare appeared on the curriculum is a Cardinal. I'll bet the Inns of Court are full of Cardinals, and I'm even willing to bet that the few remaining male heterosexual priests in the Church of England are not unacquainted with a metaphorical galero.

You see, whilst we were all in the Union bar quaffing healthy pints, young Nutt was on the floor of his rancid squat grooving to a candle flame and giggling like a girl. I'm willing to bet my right arm that Nutt never made Cardinal. And he's never forgotten it.


Weekend Yachtsman said...

"student drinking games be made illegal"

It's hard to see how even NuLab would enforce this.

Do you think they plan cctv in every student flat?

Oh, shit - that's probably exactly what they plan.

William Gruff said...

You've a point there Radders. I remember the dope smokers as far too concerned with what women wanted and how they could serve them, in the hope of getting into their knickers, whereas the drinkers just got on with the job of getting their knickers off.