Thursday, 1 April 2010

LOCOG to buy armoured vehicles for Olympic VIPs

Not only will the fat-cats of the Olympics family have entire arterial roads and the Blackwall Tunnel closed for their cavalcades, much as politburo bosses in a column of Zils did in Soviet Moscow, but security fears over their trip through the rougher parts of South London have prompted LOCOG to buy 70 surplus UK Saxon armoured vehicles at a bargain price of about £15k each.

The Saxons, from Territorial Army stocks, have been refurbished by Witham Specialist Vehicles with suede bucket seats, surround sound systems and cocktail cabinets in the armoured bodies. Seats have been widened from the standard 14" to 23" to accommodate the larger Olympic arses, with each Saxon holding up to four fat-cats.

With a top speed of 60mph, Olympic officials are expected to be safe from irate local populations, who will be banned from leaving their own roads and held by cattle-pen barriers as the VIPs whizz past.

RPGs, anyone?


Anonymous said...

I hope that I have correctly spotted your only April 1st contribution.

Weekend Yachtsman said...

Not subtle enough, Mr. R., sorry.

The photoshopped image just spoiled it.

Better luck next year!

Anonymous said...

I know you're joking, OH, but this just isn't sufficiently unbelievable to make for a good April Fool's jape.

Demetrius said...

It may be an amusing April 1st piece but as the best jokes are alwsys those nearest to the truth if you take together my posts of Tuesday 12th May on "Olympic Security Costs" with Monday 9th November "Olympics 2012 - Watch The Birdie", a fable, you will see that some of us think it is very close to what what become reality.

Bill Quango MP said...

Good one. The 15k price tag was the clincher.

Any Old Iron said...

Still think the RPGs is a good idea though.