Saturday, 17 July 2010

Snow vs. Goldsmith

"The allegation, Mr Goldsmith, is that you bought forty-five gallons of ale for the six electors of the rotten borough of Dunwich to buy their votes, but only declared the cost of forty pints ..."

"Look, this is quite normal; in the event on the day they could only drink less than a firkin of 'Old Scrotum' between them before they all fell over, and with a wastage allowance for the lees, and tappage this is all well within accepted practice ..."

"... and furthermore you bought thirty-six new leather flagons embellished with the legend 'Zac bought me' ..."

"... again, you're twisting things. These flagons are the permanent property of the local party association, and it's likely they'll be used again for the Parish elections and the beating of the bounds and next year's witch duckings; we declared the cost of scribing the legend into the six of them we loaned to the local electors ..."

"You'd never actually been to Dunwich before election day, had you Mr Goldsmith? The seat was given to you by Mr Pitt because he thought you'd suitably embellish the Treasury benches, wasn't it?"

"You're a fine one to talk about patronage, Mr Snow - you've just had your own son installed as Astrologer Royal despite the fact he can't even write his own name in joined-up script ..."

[Continue ad nauseam ]

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