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Friday, 27 August 2010

At last, a use for Scotland

The huge amounts we pay over to Scotland under the Barnett Formula have been justified to some extent in my eyes by the facilities Scotland provides to England in return; somewhere to keep our nuclear submarines, somewhere to shoot red deer and a decent fishing mark. Except for the midges. They also provide a scratch soccer team for England to practice with for our important international matches.

Now of course we're faced with another problem; what to do with hundreds of suicidally indoctrinated jihadists shortly to be released from Crapco's franchised prison service (drugs 'R us)?

The solution is simple. Confined to the highlands, with tazar-equipped anklets should they stray, the jihadists can do little damage except exploding themselves amongst sheep or pens of salmon. They will, of course, desperately seek out visiting English sportsmen to explode themselves against, and this danger will add spice and excitement for the sporting gent, and the opportunity to take a left and a right to some wild-eyed bearded and robed jihadist as he sprints towards you on the moor with bomb-vest flapping.

One could even set up decoy shoots for the visiting businessman short of time; a plastic figure of a banker dressed in Musto could be placed on the moor to attract roaming exploding jihadists whilst the shooters wait in a hide nearby. Or one could tether real bankers to a stake as bait. The Duke of Edinburgh could offer a silver cup for the season's best bag.

All in all, an idea with which I can see few faults.


Simon Fawthrop said...
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William Gruff said...

Inflicting Scotch people on the criminally insane is probably contrary to the 'Human Rights Act' as doing so could be said to inflict unnecessary suffering on the jihadists.

Nice idea, though, killing five million birds with eight hundred stones.