Herr Tirana prepares to use dirty tricks as EU buggered

Herr Tirana, one of the EU's several Presidents, confirmed today that "after a little cellar work and a touch of bastinado" all 27 EU leaders have now confessed agreed to the Brussels dirty tricks campaign to be rolled out against the United Kingdom.

"The EU must uphold democracy in Europe, which means agreeing with whatever the unelected officials want. We call it pure democracy because it is unsullied by elections, ballots and the votes of the ignorant and stupid common people.