
"Now", I continued, "I have all the receipts here. Firstly, here's ..."
"That's alright Sir, move on now"
"And here I have all my previous receipts. You see, this bundle .."
"Thank you Sir, can you move along, now, please?"
"I do this trip once every six weeks, you know, and this is the first time I've been stopped since 1995."
"I can't imagine why, Sir.."
"I'm so pleased to see you're on your toes. But, haha!, you haven't asked me to open these zipped compartments, have you?"
"I don't really care about your zipped compartments. Now just clear the area please NOW."
She didn't give me the chance to volunteer for a full rectal examination, sadly. A little prostate massage never goes amiss. And my photo probably now graces the Dover Customs office with the legend "Do NOT stop this man."